Hard Rain
Gilad (173) Photobucket
I toss and turn beneath a sheet of rain.
The streetlight flickers fancies across my face.
I'm cornered at the corner of 4th and Main.
Caught between the weather and whether to wait
here pillowed by the pavement cold and awake
half-dreaming to myself you're late,
but coming.
A quick and dirty draft for Kerry at Real Toads. Also submitted to Poetry Pantry at Poets United.
23 comments:
Pillowed by the pavement is not an easy place to be!
"Caught between the weather and whether to wait" wonderful and the false hope at the end.
"Between weather and whether" ... clever word use! Let's hope being pillowed by the pavement cold was worth the wait!
Such optimism to be found in the rain. I love the touches of rhyme you added to his poem, MZ.
I love the rhymes, too. Late, but still assuming on the way. Let's hope!
I can feel the cold of being pillowed on pavement.
There's a lot to like in this poem. I especially love:
'I'm cornered at the corner of 4th and Main.
Caught between the weather and whether to wait'
I really like how you blended images of waiting in bed with waiting alone in the rain. It can feel that way at times. Also props for the use use of "flickers fancies" so lovely and well done! Viva la.
Oh, my. So much love for this. All of it, but especially:
"Caught between the weather and whether to wait"
Oooh I love the hint of optimism you have portrayed here .. such a beautiful poem, MZ ❤️
no one does brevity like you, MZ ~
I love the ending, though I am not reading it as optimism.
Well, I just have to say ditto to all the previous comments. This is stunning.
MZ--Brilliant line breaks. Initially, I thought the last three lines were my favorite, but then I reread it, and I love the play between "weather" and "whether," too.
And I'm with Shay. I don't think they're gonna show up.
Such a rainy sadness to this.
light, (though artificial) music, hindrance, half-glass-full attitude may lead it to the positive path but the doubt remains....lovely...
Wonderful use of like-sounding words, with a mystery at the end. Well done, Mama!
Packs a punch!
Lovely subsuming between dream and theme. The rhyme echoes in the heart.
I love this:
"The streetlight flickers fancies across my face."
I hate waiting! This to me is a very bad dream. Powerful.
Waiting is even more stressful when it is rain soaked.
Great poem. I like how there's a bit of anxiety but also hope.
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