Sunday, April 16, 2017

Streetlight

Hard Rain
Gilad (173) Photobucket

I toss and turn beneath a sheet of rain.
The streetlight flickers fancies across my face.

I'm cornered at the corner of 4th and Main.
Caught between the weather and whether to wait

here pillowed by the pavement cold and awake
half-dreaming to myself you're late,

but coming.

A quick and dirty draft for Kerry at Real Toads.  Also submitted to Poetry Pantry at Poets United.

23 comments:

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Pillowed by the pavement is not an easy place to be!

Debi Swim said...

"Caught between the weather and whether to wait" wonderful and the false hope at the end.

indybev said...

"Between weather and whether" ... clever word use! Let's hope being pillowed by the pavement cold was worth the wait!

Kerry O'Connor said...

Such optimism to be found in the rain. I love the touches of rhyme you added to his poem, MZ.

Marian said...

I love the rhymes, too. Late, but still assuming on the way. Let's hope!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I can feel the cold of being pillowed on pavement.

Kim Russell said...

There's a lot to like in this poem. I especially love:
'I'm cornered at the corner of 4th and Main.
Caught between the weather and whether to wait'

Isadora Gruye said...

I really like how you blended images of waiting in bed with waiting alone in the rain. It can feel that way at times. Also props for the use use of "flickers fancies" so lovely and well done! Viva la.

De said...

Oh, my. So much love for this. All of it, but especially:
"Caught between the weather and whether to wait"

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Oooh I love the hint of optimism you have portrayed here .. such a beautiful poem, MZ ❤️

grapeling said...

no one does brevity like you, MZ ~

Fireblossom said...

I love the ending, though I am not reading it as optimism.

rhymeswithbug.com said...

Well, I just have to say ditto to all the previous comments. This is stunning.

Sioux Roslawski said...

MZ--Brilliant line breaks. Initially, I thought the last three lines were my favorite, but then I reread it, and I love the play between "weather" and "whether," too.

And I'm with Shay. I don't think they're gonna show up.

Thotpurge said...

Such a rainy sadness to this.

Sumana Roy said...

light, (though artificial) music, hindrance, half-glass-full attitude may lead it to the positive path but the doubt remains....lovely...

Sara McNulty said...

Wonderful use of like-sounding words, with a mystery at the end. Well done, Mama!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Packs a punch!

blueoran said...

Lovely subsuming between dream and theme. The rhyme echoes in the heart.

said...

I love this:

"The streetlight flickers fancies across my face."

Susan said...

I hate waiting! This to me is a very bad dream. Powerful.

Susie Clevenger said...

Waiting is even more stressful when it is rain soaked.

Justin Lamb said...

Great poem. I like how there's a bit of anxiety but also hope.