Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Like A Man

Words have no weight in the book of the unwritten.
It's looks leaded with the unsaid
that hold you in a place
of closed blinds and shadows
sanitized for public consumption.

But I craved those shadows; the sweat,
cat quick kisses, and electric longing deep
as gravity and gods.
I didn't plunder the why of my want;
I was want

legs unlocked
and moon pale against the night.
Velvet roped by music
creeping into the street
from the other side of everything.

Inside, hotter heart blood pulsed
and muscled rhythms
held hips
loosely, like this
like this.  He guided me against

the bold black of his body;
into ebony arcs of his skin,
and I kissed

He tasted just like a man.

I'm inflicting you with a rough draft.  I'm not sure that this gets across what I'm trying to say.  I'm very interested to know what you think.

For The Tuesday Platform at Real Toads


ava said...


ava said...

This makes me
your man
is really
a woman.

Edward said...

naughty intricacies: your bramble dyes...

wear for art
can you catch
all the pieces that fall
we played read them as future tenets
and love for all
you knew I knew
what batter was
thick-y stick-y fingers
stolen into jars
and those smudges of wet clay
on your cheeks as you wiped away
the sweat and said please get me something to drink
and when doing sew-you have to know
to bring yourself back here for me to eat

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Velvet roped by music
creeping into the street

Lovely lines!

Magaly Guerrero said...

That first line is a gut-kicker. Yum!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love the cat quick kisses and the not plundering why, "I WAS want." Love the "moon pale against the night". Yes, I think you achieved your objective very well, kiddo. ALMOST (but not quite) made me reconsider having given up on all that stuff. LOL.

Mama Zen said...

Ava, I was actually thinking of a person of a different race, but it could have just as easily been a woman. The point that I was trying to make is that behind all of the overheated language of sexual taboo, it's just another person. I'm not sure that I really succeeded.

ava said...

Yes, I see what you're saying. And that's how I read it at first. But then I read it a few more times and saw two women. I wasn't picking up on the interracial aspect, as I see people in aura colors rather than skin colors, so words like "black" and "ebony" mean something different to me ... more along the lines of the shadowed soul.

I can't imagine you calling this a rough draft. I so look forward to reading your poetry; you pierce me every time. Your gifts are undeniable.

This makes your point very clear:
"and I kissed
him" ... Not all the outside stuff, but his core. It doesn't get any richer than that, even if we can't hold onto it for very long.

Edward said...

You more than succeeded...kudos...I think a lot of us readers are putting ice cubes on our joints and necks now...thanks...

Kerry O'Connor said...

Not sure what you were trying to say, but this certainly got something across to me.


Fireblossom said...

"creeping into the street
from the other side of everything."

I love that the best.

brudberg said...

Velvet roped... Oh I love that... isn't that the core of it all?

Timoteo said...

Oh my...this is naughty :)

Victoria said...

I love how you can say so much in so few words...here's an example:
cat quick kisses, and electric longing deep

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I read it twice before I noticed that the man was black – and was, anyway, just a man, which was t he point. (Then of course I was very pleased with myself, when I read the comment where you say so.) But mainly, this is hot, hot, hot! Deliciously passionate, lusciously steamy, splendidly erotic.... More, more, more!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

The first part was too abstract for me, but then again, I'm pretty thick-headed. Now, the legs unlocked part under the pale moon... that part I understood, and enjoyed to the end. See, your pal Mosk, really is a just a slack-jawed troglodyte who perks up predictably when sex is inferred. Thanks for the read, MoskaPig

colleen said...

I knew it was hot and only got hotter! Nice scene building and build up.

Debi Swim said...

I certainly got your drift ; ) but I was slow to pick up on "it's just another person" Now that I know, of course, it's obvious.

ava said...

For me, this is a micro-poem inside the poem:

"I didn't plunder the why of my want;
I was want

legs unlocked"

I love this part the most.

Outlawyer said...

Hey Mz-- I got what seemed to me to be the interracial part from the beginning, and the idea that this person of presumably a forbidden race was "just like a man" that is, what was not as forbidden a man--and accepted as such, so all of that made sense to me.

The unwritten part at the beginning was really interesting and well written! I had a harder time connecting that with what came after. Thepiece seemed to change course a bit with the cat kisses and the lines about being want--the tone changed and it became more heated, and urgent and personal. But I also liked the beginning a lot--it just had a more remote (wide angle) sort of tone. k.

grapeling said...

seductive. the first line is stellar. it makes me think of the time of Invisible Man, and what a woman in the 1950's and 60's might have blossomed to. ~

Gemma Wiseman said...

That last line is a 'wrencher. It seems to wrench back any thought that this was an intimate moment of love but rather lust...
Indeed the clue was whispered with the words:
'I didn't plunder the why of my want;
I was want...'
= no love in sight...
A fascinating one.

Brendan MacOdrum said...

I heard this when Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" played on a little radio in my pubescent room. The freighted music of breaking wings. That book shadows every one we write after. Great stuff MZ.

Margaret said...

To my way of thinking, a great poem ALWAYS makes you read it twice. And I did with this one. Perhaps it is because I am older, and I remember the "taboo" of a white woman with a black man. The unwritten (or whispered - and not so often NOT whispered) words - the so called "moral" code of behavior to follow... The first stanza is a "looking back" to me, an almost contemptuous view of what was accepted behavior - and of course, the derailing and jumping off into these "shadows" (fantastic visual), the very sensual middle and ending verses (hot, hot) and the ending line is so perfect... I understood it to be an interracial poem - What I really don't understand is how this is a rough draft!

Marian said...

For me, the main thrust (ahem) was not analyzing or questioning the want, just being the want. The allusions to race/color were a bit distracting because I wanted to stay with just the want. (Shocking, I know.)

Rommy said...

This speaks to me of the heat and confusion of youth, when want is just so immediate and pushes out everything else. The rough abstract tone was spot on I think.

Michael said...

Sounded very much like a coming of age sexual experience. Shame you started with a black guy...once you go black, you never go back. I jest.