Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Edge Of Conversation

I'm the mother of a middle school girl;
I'm a middle school girl

all over again - at the end
of the table

at the edge of the conversation.
The old cliques have crows feet now -

but they still arrange the bake sale tables and weekend
sleepovers as if these

were natural things.  Just like junior high
I'm fidgety and dressed

for a funeral.  My thoughts are somewhere else.
I've never been a puzzle piece

that fit agreeably into the bigger picture.
No matter how mindfully NOW

I berate myself to be,
everywhere I look I still see

my smaller shadow.

For The Tuesday Platform at Real Toads

20 comments:

Debi Swim said...

Life is surreal when you have kids and you still feel like a kid inside.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Baby Puppy is in middle school? Noooooo, make it stop! Lol. I love the cliques having crow's feet. I hate to tell you but it gets worse. MY baby turns 40 this summer. Oh. My. God.

Kerry O'Connor said...

One of my favourite all-time quotes, which I read when young and never forgot: It's never too late to have a happy childhood. (Tom Robbins) I realized that was true when I got to live it all again as the mother of daughters. Not all of it is easy but it is rewarding.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

I am literally hypnotized by this piece!!

Timoteo said...

A perfect 10 from the Russian judge! (okay, I'm really Swedish and Irish and Cherokee).

Buddah Moskowitz said...

My dear, you summed up my life...

"I've never been a puzzle piece

that fit agreeably into the bigger picture."

Love you, Mosk

Fireblossom said...

This is honest, and partly because it is honest, it is also brilliant. (And because you know how to write poetry.

Margaret said...

What amazes me is how my girls are confident, kind, and strong willed leaders. Almost everything I was NOT in middle school and high school. I was kind, but felt I had to hide it to survive. I'm so glad my children cast big shadows. As usual, I adore your masterful pen

Ellecee said...

You've brought back memories of how I felt when my daughters were teens. And so well crafted.

rallentanda said...

A brilliant write. One of your best.As an imposter playing at grown ups rearing family and being responsible etc, I can relate to this one.

Sioux said...

I think there is a spirit at the core of every woman that allows us to relate to teens and senior citizens with equal skill and artistry.

Keeping your girl close will help keep you young and hip. Not that you probably need that assistance...

Raivenne said...

I was the polygon peg in the square hole. I just wanted to reach in and give both your psyches of you a hug. Ugh! The anger and frustration with yourself for letting them get to you now as they did then. Oh how I felt the honesty of this. So beautifully penned.

Susie Clevenger said...

The old cliques have crows feet now...so true. I also feel at times like it is Jr High all over again. I don't have grandchildren so I don't have those stories to tell, and hey, I stayed up until 3:00 because I was out listening to live music earns more than a few snubs.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Perhaps it goes on until your kids leave school. Which was a long time ago now for me – and so (thankfully!) is any need to try to be that puzzle piece.

blueoran said...

So difficult to see one's shadow self in a child and yet understand how our shadow so harms them. To remember just who is the adult. My stepdaughter at 13 was no Medusa though my blood hummed with her. Or me. or some her ...

brudberg said...

I think seeing yourself in how they grow is what makes a good mother... love the shrinking shadow

Laura said...

This is so relatable. I always felt like the outsider kid in middle school and same thing when I took my girls to theirs... never really fit in with the other Moms (also with crows feet).

De said...

I relate to this, SO much. I am ever, always gonna be that awkward girl.

I adore this:
"The old cliques have crows feet now" -- brilliant. What visual, on so many levels.

Outlawyer said...

Ah, most understandable. Very well done, thank you. k.

grapeling said...

I was the extra piece in the box, when the puzzle was complete. ~