Saturday, January 30, 2016

Choices

The doctor's voice
start-stutter-stops
like a malformed heart

that failed to twist . . .
form walls . . .
at your age and with . . .
the medications you take . . .
all organs compromised, all . . .

I wait

for him to start-stutter-stop
like the malformed heart
struggling for its beat inside me;
I ask,

what choices do I have?

Proper as God with a gun, he says
you don't.

For Bjorn's prompt at Real Toads

I've done some heavy editing of this piece since I first posted it.  The original wasn't getting its point across, I fear.  Perhaps I've done a better job with this version.  We shall see . . .

17 comments:

Fireblossom said...

The simile about the doctor's voice is perfect. As one who had a recurring childhood nightmare about a doctor--he was a robot doctor and always tried to smash me--I can relate.

brudberg said...

A terror like this is too real... it's close, and a doctor with his pale hands..and soothing voice. Truly a terror, and I hope it's something you wake from.

Outlawyer said...

Yikes! Deliver me (but not as baby!) (Or at least not by this doc.) Very scary. k.

Sioux said...

The phrase "start-stutter-stop" is sooo sharp.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Ouch! The worst kind of nightmare.

Hannah said...

Brilliant, MZ!! I love your stutter-stop and the rhythm of this poem...well done!!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I do hope this is a nightmare, as it is off the scale scary.

Magaly Guerrero said...

As someone who has been living this nightmare for the last couple of years, I can say that you got it just right. The tone of the exchange, the surrealism of the situation, how it happens so quickly but as your pauses suggest the waiting take forever.

Kerry O'Connor said...

The heart beat that runs through the poem conveys the anxiety very well.

hedgewitch said...

What is more terrifying than being in the power--the power of life and death--of that omnipotent being, the Doctor,and at the whim of one's shell of a body? This is truly chilling, and real, and tho I missed the first version, I'd say your editing can only have honed the scalpel. One of my personal nightmares.

Gail said...

Having been there this is so real. I hope it's fiction for you.

Other Mary said...

Now that's a real nightmare. So much more poignant when told without sentiment, as you do. As Gail said, I hope it's fiction.

Gillena Cox said...

Wow, that last verse is treacherous


much love...

Bekkie Sanchez said...

I don't know how many times I've posted and edited just a part of getting it right. It kind of reminded me of Poe with that malformed heart. Lol! And a real nightmare indeed!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

"Proper as God with a gun, he says
you don't."

Inspired and chilling. Too much, Mosk

Susie Clevenger said...

Oh, I have had Doctor visits like this. It brings back the day we were told our oldest daughter had kidney cancer.

Nora said...

I really love this poem and will come back and read it again. It has been a long time since I came to read your poetry and I am glad I did. Lovely.