Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Still Here

I made deals with the devil
and peace with God -
flattery and fear.
Mama's still here.
Mama's still here.

Then I settled for each second
as it came along
and held each one dear.
Mama's still here.
Mama's still here.

There were riots in the streets
here in America
where it matters.
Some terrible disease
came to America
where it matters.
But my world
was a small world -
just a mother
and a daughter
this year.

And Mama's still here.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reflecting on the past year and I wrote this draft.  I was thinking about how the world was falling apart right outside my door, but it didn't matter and I didn't care.  My world was the whoosh of an oxygen machine.  Mama was still here.

After a long illness, my mother passed away yesterday morning.  Some of you know me quite well; I thought that you'd want to know.


Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh Kelli, I am so sorry. How you will miss her. I hope you will come to feel "Mama's still here" in the months to come....because she is, kiddo. She is as near as your heart and the love and memories you created together. And your little one has lost her grandma. So sad, right before Christmas. Take good care of yourself.

Sylvia K said...

I am SO sorry to read of your loss, Kelli!! A terrible time for you and your family. Please know you are in my thoughts and in my heart!

Yvonne Osborne said...

Oh, so very sorry to hear this, Kelli. The poem hits home. So much doesn't matter when Mama is still here. My mama is still here and also my papa, and I dread the day when that will no longer be true. My condolences to you and your family. This can be such a sad time of year. I once called it the losing season.

Wolfsrosebud said...

I'm sorry for your loss... lovely write... with power and passion... loved the repeated lines... tragedy comes in many faces... may you find joy

Fireblossom said...

I'm so sorry, babe.

Hannah said...

Oh, my goes out to you, Mama Zen - sending comfort and Love your way...I'm so sorry for your loss. ♥

Your poem speaks the truth so clearly...beautifully and emotively written.

Kenia Cris said...

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your mother. Much love to all the family.

Though I don't say often, I adore your writing.

I thought of stopping by today and telling you that.


Margaret said...

A few of your poem references over the past year made me think perhaps you were sick - but of course I didn't want to pry. I see you were writing about your mother. I am so very sorry and I'm sure you gave her immeasurable comfort. This poem is amazing, as so many of yours are. Hug your sweet girl and know you both carry on her legacy.

Susie Clevenger said...

I am so sorry. Your words speak poignantly of the sorrow a year can hold.

Kerry O'Connor said...

It is the deaths we encounter at home, that create the compassion we feel for the deaths that occur very far away. No greater loss than a parent or a child, and everyone is someone's child, more often than not someone's parent.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Björn Rudberg said...

In the sadness of a mother leaving it's hard to take in the world's that fall apart.. so understandable, and I feel sorry for you.. and no solace to be had from the world outside either.

Anonymous said...

So so sorry for the loss, MZ. Such a hard fruition under tree of an 02 machine. It goes, then stops. There's a dying out there in the culture, too, and it's hard (for me at least) to say which foreshadows the other. Rest.

Marian said...

oh, so sorry for your loss, MZ. sending love. xoxo

hedgewitch said...

No words are much good, but I hope you find comfort, Kelli. This poem is painfully real, because that is how we are, clinging to the little islands of personal meaning and warmth in a sea of disaster--what else can you do if you're human?

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your sad news. I think you have hit the nail on the head though with your poem. It finally boils down to our own small world. I think it should.

Helen said...

Thinking of you, Kelli ~~ sending healing energy. I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kelli, I don't really know you but I know this much from reading your poems--that you were a very wonderful daughter, as you are yourself a wonderful mother. I am so sorry for your loss and for the suffering of a long illness.

Your poem reflects the disconnect that is often available to us. I have felt it less when I am in NYC, as one feels that things tend to happen there and it's not always so easy to get out of the way, but I find it kind of a blessing when I am upstate.

Take care, k.

Marina Sofia said...

So sorry to hear that - your poem is very moving, very beautiful. My thoughts are with you.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

My sincere condolences, my friend. May she rest peacefully, forever reunited with God. Much love, Mosk

Anonymous said...

peace, Kelli ~

Susan said...

I am glad you are still here. That you have a home base: a nest, a visitor's haven. Condolances of losing your Mom. The circle gets smaller and closer.