Friday, December 5, 2014

Elf On The Shelf, Terrorist

Dexter Elf
babyrabies.com

I feel felt 
scrape my thigh,
but I stay still
eyes closed tight,
faking sleep,
thinking he might . . .
just go away.

But I lose my last shred of hope
when a cinnamon stench fills my nose
and my wrists are wrapped in mistletoe;
"hush!" I hear him say.

"I've been whispering to your child
gift ideas so crazy wild
that you'll never, ever find them
to put beneath the tree.

I promised her a reindeer.
Then I vandalized the manger.
I would have sodomized the savior,
but he broke in 2003.

And I'm just getting started
with my holly jolly party.
I've a dozen days and a million ways
to give you holi-hell.

Now sleep and dream of sugar plums,
but don't forget, when morning comes
and you're up staggering before the sun,
you gotta move this fucking elf!"

For Shay's prompt at Real Toads

17 comments:

manicddaily said...

Do I sense a little frustration here? A very creative and human take on the prompt, MZ. Hope all improves. Do watch out for the crush--I mean, creche.

k.

Björn Rudberg said...

I never trusted those damn elves they are bought of by the multinational reindeer corporations

Fireblossom said...

" I promised her a reindeer.
Then I vandalized the manger.
I would have sodomized the savior,
but he broke in 2003." Best stanza ever. I laughed my ass off at this!

Kerry O'Connor said...

Yeesh... Some elf-help is needed around here!

Fireblossom said...

LOL @ Kerry's elf-help!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

The comments are as hilarious as the poem! Love "some elf-help needed"!

Gillena Cox said...

dont send that elf anywhere near me

much love....

Sylvia K said...

Oh, how I NEEDED this laugh for the day!! You are a genius -- with or without some "elf-help"!!

Grandmother (Mary) said...

Terrorist elves- mash up indeed!

Margaret said...

That photo! I knew the poem to follow was gonna be great! I really have to learn not to read any poems before I attempt a prompt. Now I'm intimidated.

Susie Clevenger said...

Elf terrorists, I can believe it. At least I can believe how annoyed I am with all the elf goings on that people like to share with the traveling demon. Love this!!

Gail said...

Scary! I think every thing comes to life when I sleep...kidding. Good story.

Lolamouse said...

I always thought that that elf was a bit creepy! Now I know! Love the picture too!

Susan said...

Felt elves are as creepy as ouiji boards! Love the gifts elf gavedaughter's dreams, the sugarplums he gave the parent.

Hannah said...

That elf already freaked me out...nicely captured, MZ!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Wicked! (In all sorts of ways.)

grapeling said...

ha. Galen would have LOVED this piece.

I do, too. and Kerry's comment. ~