I feel felt
scrape my thigh,
but I stay still
eyes closed tight,
thinking he might . . .
just go away.
But I lose my last shred of hope
when a cinnamon stench fills my nose
and my wrists are wrapped in mistletoe;
"hush!" I hear him say.
"I've been whispering to your child
gift ideas so crazy wild
that you'll never, ever find them
to put beneath the tree.
I promised her a reindeer.
Then I vandalized the manger.
I would have sodomized the savior,
but he broke in 2003.
And I'm just getting started
with my holly jolly party.
I've a dozen days and a million ways
to give you holi-hell.
Now sleep and dream of sugar plums,
but don't forget, when morning comes
and you're up staggering before the sun,
you gotta move this fucking elf!"
For Shay's prompt at Real Toads