Saturday, August 23, 2014

Unfolding




Folded

the birds are singing
the sun's on its way
not a cloud in the sky
what a beautiful day

Unfolded

the birds are singing

Death likes to whistle

the sun's on its way

interrogation light

not a cloud in the sky

heat will beat down

what a beautiful day

for a riot

***

Note: I'm trying to get across the idea of an accordion fold where alternating lines are hidden until the paper is unfolded.  Is it coming across at all?

Inspired by Kerry's Jorge Luis Borges prompt at Play It Again, Toads

20 comments:

Susan said...

Yes. And I love it--how we live, like with my "list" poem.

I also picked Borges this round.

Brian Miller said...

smiles..yeah i think it does...and made me think as well about what we often cannot see that tells the real story...hey i will take a riot.

Sylvia K said...

Oh, yes!! I love it, too! How we live indeed! Great one as always, MZ! Have a great weekend!

Kerry O'Connor said...

Wow! I think it has worked out extremely well. i love the idea of lines being hidden between the folds, and the contrast is amazing.

Arushi Ahuja said...

Wow MZ~ what a beauty this was... i was astounded by the hidden meanings in the folds... how a bright positive poem turns dark with a few hidden unread lines!! amazing! :)

mood wings said...

This is really cool. I especially like the last two lines.

Björn Rudberg said...

I like this a lot.. how all the hidden one creates the shadows out of bliss.. most like we are doing all the time -- hiding the dark realities..

The Bizza said...

This is a great style. It has a "the brighter the light, the deeper it's shadow" vibe to it.

Hannah said...

Brilliant MZ...I love how much thought you put into this, the idea of the hidden lines becoming unveiled in the unfolding...excellent.

Sumana Roy said...

unique!!

Margaret said...

So very clever AND that it speaks of current events - and really lines up so much more with Borges's style of writing than what I did… I just posted mine because I spent an hour on it… ;P

grapeling said...

yes, brilliant ~

kaykuala said...

Yes, it certainly does MZ! Done very well!

Hank

Yvonne Osborne said...

It works.

And what a contrast in meaning. It makes me think how different are the words we sometimes say vs. the ones we think.

Fireblossom said...

I think it comes across just fine. Heat and riots just go together, yanno?

Marian said...

what a beautiful day for a riot. Do The Right Thing, hottest day of the year.

Bodhirose said...

I agree...it worked. And loved the contrast between the first group of lines and then the "unfolded" ones. That last line was a riot in itself! Pow!

Susie Clevenger said...

Yes, so imaginative..There is so much between what seems evident and the truth between the lines

R.K. Garon said...

Well! Wasn't that interesting. I did enjoy what you did with this.
ZQ

manicddaily said...

Yes--it's rather like the underside--well done. k.