Saturday, December 21, 2013

Starless

Clouds hunt the half moon
and feed on the fractured stars
till the dark is whole,
and I am left to tremble
with want and unmade wishes.

For Kerry's Challenge at Real Toads

20 comments:

Sam Edge said...

Hunting and feeding. Such a vivid image of the relationship here. So cool.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

I always think of clouds being a bit light and fluffy. This paints them with a darker side.

howanxious said...

I liked the image of hunting clouds. You brought about the melancholy of winter days in your words.
-HA

Susan said...

Like when a storm rolls in and I want the stars right now. Now.
Beautiful lonesome landscape.

Grace said...

Beautiful tanka MZ ~ Opening lines are stellar ~

Mary said...

Your words perfectly express your message! I really like this one, MZ.

steph said...

Terrific. I love the idea of the clouds hunting, and the feeding on the fractured stars.. great vocabulary choices as the dark takes hold. Really nice.

cheryl said...

Hunting clouds, I always wondered what I should name those that follow the moon. I really enjoyed this MZ

Helen said...

Clouds feeding on stars .. would leave me trembling too. Nice writing, tanka is not an easy form.

Robert Bourne said...

a different but great take.. loved the hunting of the stars...

Sioux said...

And I still tremble with envy...

This is a tanka? If so, the form is invisible because the lines are so well crafted.

Yikes. All I want for Christmas is...the talent you have in the fingernail of your pinkie. ;)

Kerry O'Connor said...

What an amazing description of an overcast night sky. You nailed the upper and lower halves of the poem - those final lines are trembling with suggestiveness.

Sumana Roy said...

superbly done...love the dark images..

Fireblossom said...

This sound so frightening and lonely.

manicddaily said...

Wonderful. k.

Marian said...

unmade wishes... let's focus on those in the coming year. love this.

grapeling said...

perfect ~

Loredana Donovan said...

Excellent ... really conveys a dark sky and correlating emotion.

ND Mitchell said...

Hunting clouds-what a unique image. Beauty of a tanka this.

Ella said...

I love this huntress/warrior type poem!
Well done MZ
Happy Holidays to you n' yours