The brevity here underlines your choice of imagery, the whole package of emotions, present and future, compressed into the most effective space. It made me instantly think of the Joni Mitchell song with the same line, and all the grief of understanding in that, as well.
A very moving piece, MZ.
ha. that last line changes everything...makes me think of the days of innocence and our first forays beyond it...and how much that will shake things up
This is an example of something you do so well and i enjoy so much; in just a few well-chosen lines, you put the reader into a snapshot from a life, and the emotion of the piece just flows through naturally. I love this, especially the opening line and the kiss.
Always lovely to see you in the Pantry, MZ. As Shay says, you do this brilliantly: the snapshot of a moment out of time.......I, too, love the opening line.
the first lines take you to a place.. and then the last lines halt you in step...nicely done
An amazing poem, MZ. That ferris wheel seems to put the kibosh on budding romance.
Oh, tomorrow! The magic was there before the dismantling. I like how you take us there and we know it i only temporary.
Knew there was a reason I didn't like ferris wheels.
oh but the wheels keep on turning sadly...
I concur with the wise Fireblossom; it's a snapshot, but a wonderfully composed and colorful one--brevity is not your enemy, for sure.
but until the ferris wheel comes down, there is that kiss!
Terrifically written, felt and realised - technically the structure of this is pretty perfect - Loved it! With Best wishes scott www.scotthastie.com
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