Sunday, December 1, 2013

Lines

What harm would it do
to pen you a line?
Just a word or two
to help pass the time.
No baring or sharing
my heart or my soul;
just a line, then I'll
let go.

But if a line became two,
and two became three,
what would you do?
Would you write back to me?
Or, shrug off the silly girl
you used to know;
loved and then
let go.

Getting lyric-y and ballad-y for Christina Rosetti's December Birthday at Real Toads. Also submitted to Poets United.

28 comments:

Brian Miller said...

eh, we will never know until we start to write it eh? and then its on them...but what hope we cling to

Susan said...

Lines thought, penned and sent are still lines, and here, I think they are come-ons of the "I dare you" kind. I hope he/she answers.

Nataša Dolenc said...

beautiful. :)

Robert Bourne said...

some great lines with questions that are begging for answers... great poem...

Kerry O'Connor said...

It all starts with one line and next thing you know...

I like the approach you took here. The rhymes and listing reminds of Rossetti's style in Goblin Market but without the sense I got that hers was awfully overdone. (Ssshhh!)

Sylvia K said...

Ah, yes!! I do love this one!!

Liz Rice-Sosne said...

Clever with great rhythm.

Sumana Roy said...


love the rhythm...

Fireblossom said...

I think you've done Christina proud. The ending brings a pang.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Beautiful in form and evocative in mood. Letting go has got to be the hardest thing in life.

Björn said...

You certainly created new poetry while going back to the classic rhythm .. and yes that balance between too much and too little... hmmm... hope we never overdo that.

hedgewitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
awakenedwords said...

what harm indeed

kaykuala said...

At least a good start is made. Someone has to initiate and it should work when emotions are invoked! Great write MZ!

Hank

Laurie Kolp said...

This is a delight to read. Thanks for the treat!

Mary said...

I understand the desire to know just what would happen. I think we might all hope for the best, but know it might not turn out that way.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Yup, love the ballady thing--and loved this

Ella said...

I love your inquisitive nature luring us in-like a tender letter!
Very clever Mama Zen!

Loredana Donovan said...

Lovely! I like the rhythm & rhymes and the idea of letting go.

Loredana Donovan said...

Oh and I love how you used "let go" with two different meanings.

Hannah said...

I enjoy these mounting lines and emotion behind this ballad, Mama Zen! Great writing!

R Guzman said...

rhythm like a song. loved it :)

grapeling said...

just marveling at the difference in voice between this and the Lou Reed post. ~

madhumakhi said...

Ah! You put across a very awkward question in a manner that would make my heart melt and write back several lines to you.

Lorraine said...

\yearning for a note, a sticker an acknowledgment that for a second he thought of you

R.K. Garon said...

Great lyrics...they just rolled into a rhythm looking for a lead :-)
ZQ

Cressida de Nova said...

My instincts say not a great idea but a lilting lyrical poem nevertheless:)

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Clever write.
I often consider this too. And how dare he let me go! :o]
Anna :o]