Friday, November 29, 2013

How Ya Doin' Mama

How ya doin',
Mama, how ya doin'?
You look a little Monday morning blue.
That rictus sex-toy mouth - OOO
dead giveaway.
You get her coat;
I get her shoes.

Gonna strip you like the cars
out on the corner.
Gonna stash you in the burned out
liquor store.
How ya doin',
Mama, how ya doin'?
At least you won't be itching anymore.

A bit of something for Marian's prompt at Real Toads.

15 comments:

manicddaily said...

Yikes, this has the unsettling rough edge of Lou Reed (which you've made your own wonderfully--scarily.) Thanks. k.

Hannah said...

Nice! You caught the rawness of Lou's lyrics in this, Mama! :)

Brian Miller said...

that rictus sex toy mouth...dang what a description....that second stanza too, so direct...nice

Marian said...

do we need to form a posse? does she need an intervention? (love this.)

Sam Edge said...

This is Lou all the way.

Kerry O'Connor said...

The stark reality of the scenario (I imagine an overdose was her end) is made all the more horrifying by the jovial tones of the men who strip the corpse.
What a slice of back alley life this is. Tragic in all respects.

blueoran.wordpress.com said...

I thought you were channeling Tom Waits here until I saw that Lou Reed was back of the challenge. Both work, but you're in front of them. Lots of your poems have the vintage of songs; do you write them as well?

Robert Bourne said...

wow.. some great raw lines in this...

Grandmother (Mary) said...

Too far down an alley I never want to walk. Man!

hedgewitch said...

Twisty and excellent in rhythm and concept--the uncomfortable hidden beneath the slick...made my flesh creep.

Lorraine said...

That's what I'd expect in the darkest place...beautifully written, real, hurtful, down and out and no place to go

Mary said...

You've captured so much in these lines!

Fireblossom said...

The sex toy mouth and the O's...that's ugly and perfect at the same time.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

I love it when you get edgy--no one does it better

grapeling said...

dead on ~