Sunday, July 7, 2013

Experiments With Kissing

We experimented with kissing
in every patch of shade,
combining and twining our elements and tongues
into an alchemy of almost

that left me trembling
above you like a cesarean sky
and begging you
to break the water.

But, you were scared of storms
and always fled me
for the safety, shelter, and shackles

of respectable,
God-fearing
drought.

A Nerudan style sonnet for Kerry's mini-challenge at Real Toads.  Also submitted to Poetry Pantry.

26 comments:

Outlawyer said...

Terrific poem, whether or not sonnet (though I think the form crystallizes your idea.s.) Your imagery wonderfully captures the pregnancy of the moment - with you so fecund there, and the lover's fear offering a rather barren landscape in response. k. (This is Karin, Manicddaily.)

mindlovemisery said...

Oh wow this is awesome you have really captured youth the passion, the frustration, the impatience, the hunger oh its perfect

Brian Miller said...

ha. a respectable god fearing drought...love the cesarean water break stanza...very good mz

Mary said...

Ha, this makes me smile, MZ. I remembeer those days of such experiments.....until one or the other fled! Love the 'god fearing drought.'

Ella said...

I love yours...I need to try again!
Yes, Neruda is all about love and mine is different!
You brought it and I too love the
water break~

Heaven said...

Love that second stanza, whew ~

grapeling said...

"an alchemy of almost"

whew. what a capture of ache, MZ.

hedgewitch said...

Fine fine work with the metaphor here, MZ--and the flash of language is as sharp as a needle stitching ceaselessly at the patchwork heart.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Each stanza picks up steam as it moves to the next--Loved this--I really need to tune in more to the Toads' Challenges--

TALON said...

This was classic Mama Zen. The storm of emotions over-riding the storm of desire. Just brilliant!

Fireblossom said...

This is really cool, especially that second stanza! The desire, wanting, and ultimate frustration are palpable, and I think this kind of ending happens far too often. Blake said something to the effect that nothing will stick around as stubbornly as a denied desire; this pulses with it.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Mama Zen with nuances of Neruda.. now there's some alchemy!

Peggy said...

Wow excellent. Definitely speaks of passion held in check!

kaykuala said...

But, you were scared
of storms and always
fled me for the safety

There're some people who are terrified of starting a relationship. How true MZ! Your posting says it like it is. Great take!

Hank

Carol Steel said...

Argh, don't you hate when they run afraid? Lovely poem, so raw and so real.

Loredana Donovan said...

Ah yes, fear of intimacy, such a barrier to experiencing real closeness ... you describe it well here with some unique imagery :)

McGuffy Ann said...

Wow! Very well done!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Shay used the best word - pulses - and that's what this poem does!

Margaret said...

Oh, you know how to entertain with words... I always know you will surprise and thrill me with your wit!

Susie Clevenger said...

What a beautifully creative way to describe temptation. :)

Björn said...

An alchemy of almost... that is just a perfect expression... oh the problems of incompatibility

Lorraine said...

gasp, wow what to say, temptation arises but he doesn't ...a good man, no way you don't tease and disappear, you rock don't stop, again, awed

Hannah said...

Ouch. Bitter sweet...aching- longing...phew...awesome writing, Mama Z!!

Helen said...

Love this! "Almost" does hurt ...
no matter how old we are.

anthonynorth said...

Some excellent lines in this. Ah, those experiments.

Liz Rice-Sosne said...

Love the imagery and the energy.