Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Suicide Season

Suicide season caught me
short of an overdose,
so I slept with you to see
what I could catch.

Opening day passed by
with you sticky on my thighs
and snuggled like a noose
around my neck.

Each day I spilled my sand,
but your suffocating hands
caught the grains as fast
as they could fall.

And by the season's end,
I was sandcastled in
and scratching recipes for hemlock
on the walls.

For Open Link Night at dVerse

34 comments:

Brian Miller said...

dang...really strong imagery...the allusions to suicide, the noose and such throughout set the tone...the feeling of being walled in at the end in the castles...and even then still dreaming of death...strong feeling in this mz

manicddaily said...

Wonderful - The spilling of the sands in the hour glass very strong in its understatement - the whole thing terrific. k.

Mary said...

Wow, talk about strong images! Chillingly good.

Carol Steel said...

Though I don't find suicide a funny matter, having worked too many years trying to prevent suicides through my work in mental health, I enjoyed the macabre in this. These images pulled me in especially: "so I slept with you to see what I could catch" and "sticky on my thighs and snuggled like a noose." Hey, this is really about bad relationships and what they do to us. Been there. I appreciated the sand pouring out of the hourglass and of being used to sandbag or sand castle you in. The whole thing is so well done. I envy your abilities to show, to share the feeling instead of merely telling a story. You always reach into my gut with a "here feel this." Really liked it.

henna ink said...

I love the whole premise of this poem, but I especially enjoyed the final stanza.

ayala said...

Strong and powerful images..the feeling of being walled in at the end in the castles.intense and great.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Brutal imagery - you make the great implicit point that we make our own misery and destiny. Also, I like that suicide is seasonal, and just ride out the season - lest you be caught in the castle. Oooh, good!

Sioux said...

As always, Mama Zen, with just a few lines, you packed a wallop (spelling?).

Claudia said...

dang - love the images - the hour glass - the being sandcastled in - the noose around the neck..tight images

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

We can so make our own misery--this is such a strong piece--I love the imagery (which others have commented on as well)--really a great write!

awakenedwords said...

well now, aren't we just cherry today...? but excellent

Todd Alan Kraft said...

I don't know whether to take it seriously, sardonically, neither, or both. In either event, the imagery is priceless.

Laura said...

"And by the season's end,
I was sandcastled in
and scratching recipes for hemlock" yikes!!! We all have a dark side... writing is a good way to release it.

Björn said...

The weaving of suicide by this story in poetry .. really a strong piece of poetry.

LaTonya Baldwin said...

Gritty. Didn't linger because I've known those who've taken their lives.

LaTonya Baldwin said...

Gritty. Didn't linger because I've known those who've taken their lives.

flaubert said...

Excellent imagery throughout this, mama zen.

Pamela

Laurie Kolp said...

Your word choices are powerful... very unique.

M. J. Joachim said...

Call the hotline! Call the hotline! Don't do it! I've heard it said that no one ever regretted surviving a suicide attempt.

anotherwanderingsoul said...

wow, this is so powerful!
that first stanza, dang... love the imagery - a marvelous piece

Grace said...

I specially like the opening lines ~ Terrific share MZ ~

kelvin s.m. said...

...suicide season --- aww, loved that! smiles...

thecourseofourseasons.com said...

Stunning - loved the imagery of the sand from the hourglass - K

henna ink said...

"so I slept with you to see
what I could catch"

This is just priceless.

Susan said...

Your narrator is scary real, your images so intimate! I hope the season leaves never to return. Powerful poem on male female (male male?) relations.

bostonpoetry said...

Damn this is good poetry.
"so I slept with you to see
what I could catch."
Vicious. I love it. -Mike

James Rainsford said...

Darkly humorous and full of arresting imagery. Great write.

Lorraine said...

Powerful Painful and yet you always own up, love this about your writing you rock MZen

Grandmother said...

This brings whole new meanings to sandcastles. Imagine scratching recipes for hemlock on their walls and the realities of what we build in our lives as opposed to what we pray for. Brilliant.

my heart's love songs said...

man, by the end i would have wanted to commit suicide, too ~ not only dark, but so unique, MZ! no one can evoke such strong imagery the way you do.

LOVE it!

hedgewitch said...

How is it someone can leave their dark all over us like that--and burrow straight in to our own? Fine writing here, MZ--I don't have much hair left to pull these days, but I may go for the razor blade and ashes.

Fireblossom said...

"snuggled like a noose around my neck". Dayum, way to turn the expected on its head.

This is a dark one indeed, and I hardly know how to feel about the speaker. She sounds buried alive, yes, but she's so self-abnegating when left to her own devises. Whatever happens here, it isn't gonna be pretty.

Sam Edge said...

yikes! that was intense well done@

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Powerful brilliant write - perfect.

Anna :o]