Thursday, June 27, 2013

Berries

We put our heads together,
but it didn't help our hearts.
We painted peace signs on each other,
but didn't toss away our arms.

You set your hands and face against me,
curse, and claim me stubborn as the time.
Still, I won't eat your shit and sawdust
and call it berries from the vine.

Tirelessly re-written and savagely edited into 55 words for my G-Man!

15 comments:

Sylvia K said...

Great one for the day -- any day, actually!! Have a fun weekend!

Manicddaily said...

Such an interesting poem - very idiosyncratic and yet it works--word play in the first stanza especially effective, and then the quirkiness of the second adds a kind of authenticity to the voice, which is very interesting and cool. k.

Brian Miller said...

cant call something what it is not, nor believe it is if it aint...what goods the sign if we still got to keep our weapons?

Sioux said...

The last two lines are especially brilliant... Like Shay, you weave words and lines together so cleverly that I didn't even notice the near-rhyme.

Fireblossom said...

I like the hands/face/time thing. And, of course, the 'tude. Rawr!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

So many great poems, many of an acrid nature - hope they're only slightly autobiographical. You're so stinking talented. Feh (that's jealousy).

TALON said...

Nice editing, Mama Zen! And a powerful piece!

g-man said...

MZ ....
You never fail to amaze!
I wish I was some rich publisher so I could bank-roll
you three (and you know who I mean) treasures and let the whole world see what TRUE talent really is!!
Loved your tirelessly edited 55
Thank you for thinking of me tonight, I know you have other fish to fry, but I think you know how much I appreciate you... Have a Kick Ass Week End

Lorraine said...

Oh you wise wise woman....your rock, you do have an incredible talent for saying things in the shortest possible way, that's just incredible Mama Zen

Kerry O'Connor said...

I read your earlier version, and this conveys the same potent message.
The first stanza reminds me of the protests against the war in Vietnam, but such a stance is relevant for any age, this one included, or even (as the second stanza suggests) a war fought closer to home.

izzy said...

You get tireless efforts for peace from me until someone comes onto my property with weapons and threatens
us! Thanks, Good Job !

Carol Steel said...

Still, I won't eat your shit and sawdust and call it berries from the vine.

This line says it all about relationships tried and left.

hedgewitch said...

This one looks like it was hard to pare down--boy, do I know that feeling. But it worked out well, I think--the contrasts are clear, and the last stanza sings.

Susan said...

From vast cultural wars to personal disagreements, berries are berries and shit is shit. it's easy to tell the difference. This poem rocks.

Helen said...

... timeless.