Friday, June 21, 2013

2 AM

She labors to breathe,
and I coax her next heartbeat
hour upon long hour

as if this sinking
ship will shore if I can keep
all the rats above water.

My really profound thoughts for Real Toads in a vaguely sedoka-like form for dVerse 

31 comments:

Björn said...

Those thought sting.. all the rats above water ... would that really hold the ship.

manicddaily said...

Wonderful and poignant distillation, MZ. Agh. One rat down another pops up. Well done. k.

Brian Miller said...

oh better a rat above where you can see than one below that will sneak up on you...coaxing a heartbeat, now that is rather intense...

Brian Miller said...

oh better a rat above where you can see than one below that will sneak up on you...coaxing a heartbeat, now that is rather intense...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This hits a mother's heart close to home, MZ. Hope your baby girl is not ill. But what a write! No one writes deep truths as pithily and perfectly as you do.

Kerry O'Connor said...

What a fearful moment you have captured here - to be the observer of a sinking ship. I read this as if one were sitting at the bedside of a beloved parent or grand-parent. there is a sense of acknowledged hopelessness in the final image.

TALON said...

Oh, Mama Zen, this shivered me timbers! Awesome!

Semaphore said...

So much emotionality captured in this, the anxiousness, the fear, the despondency, the hopelessness mixed with hope.

Fireblossom said...

I had a friend who came down with sedoka. They became agitated any time they saw a 5 or a 7. Seriously.

Peggy said...

This really is very profound. Now I must go look up this form too! Thanks.

California Girl said...

Hi Mama Zen, it's been a while since we visited with one another.

Poignant poetry. Beautifully succinct. For me, the image that came to mind first was nursing a doggie close to death.

grapeling said...

staring up at the surface of the water, how I feel post reading. ~ M

Helen said...

At 2am, I can imagine the terror.

rowantaw.com said...

Such emotion, such concern...so very well captured.

hedgewitch said...

Life lines, and mooring lines, too, come in many forms.

(Also, ROFLing at FB)

Susan said...

To me it's a matter of whether to save the rats at all, but at 2 am I might mistake something much more lovely for an awful rodent so I will join the narrator in coaxing the breath. I hope this dilemma is not attacking you now, it's so unfair to carry the entire world in your arms!

Walt Wojtanik said...

Mama Z, this piece screams "motherhood"; doing what needs to be done for a family's survival. Well done.

bostonpoetry said...

Uggh... heart-wrenching. This is all too real. Excellent writing on the form. -Mike

Susie Clevenger said...

I have sat at that bedside. It is a painful place. A beautiful piece Mama Zen.

Margaret said...

... it speaks of a deep love that fights along side a loved one when very sick. I hope this is not going on with you with a loved one, but if it is, I can think of NO greater comfort that a loved one beside me.

Claudia said...

dang - this is awesome mz

Lorraine said...

Been there - never heard the rats...just gurgles..Oh MZ how you make me feel

Jinksy said...

Hard thinking, anti-sinking...

Sioux said...

I hope this is pure fiction...

Marian said...

yikes, i sure feel this one.

Herotomost said...

To be able to distill such huge thoughts into this kind of graceful and curt thought process....damnation Mama Zen, you always get it right. Excuse me while I go to the hospital and get the bullet pulled from between my eyes.

Isadora Gruye said...

Yep...this one is done just right. >>Stands, applauds, walks out of the theater and into oncoming traffic <<

Ella said...

This one tugged at my heart strings~
Powerful and well done
:D

Kay L. Davies said...

This reminds me of being with both of my parents as they each died, two years apart.
I think your second stanza particularly poignant in this regard. My young sister-in-law was with me as Mother lay dying, and Mom asked us to leave the room while the nurses tidied up her bed. We went down the hall to look at the ocean, and suddenly the nurse was there, to get us back. Mom hadn't wanted us to see her die.
I was half asleep in a fold-down chair-bed thing, listening to my dad breathe, quit breathing, then start again, because his horn-player's lungs were so strong they restarted his heart.
But the time came when he stopped, and didn't start again. I waited, sure his lungs would continue to play a hot jazz trumpet, but the breathing came no more.
"as if this sinking
ship will shore if I can keep
all the rats above water."
You succinctly express what I took paragraphs to babble.
K

VaNdAnA ShArMa said...

It indeed has the soul of sedoka:)

Carol Steel said...

Oh my. This is powerful and real. You capture so much emotion in so few words. Beautifully wrought.