Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Shut Up (I'm Writing A Sonnet)

Shall I compare thee to a babbling brook
or a stream of nonsense without surcease?
I can't recall the last breath you took
or the last time your flapping tongue took ease.
You wake each morning with words on your lips,
news like a noose, and a tale in each hand.
You bed down each night with your jaw still loose
and clacking, clacking - it's all I can stand!
Even your slumber puts silence to strain
with your grunting, groaning, and dreaming aloud.
Farting in verse, and then snoring refrains!
I cover my ears, but hear every sound.

For me, there's no peace this side of the shroud.
Then, at my funeral, you'll mourn too loud.

For Shakespeare's Birthday at Real Toads.
Also hooking up with dVerse.

49 comments:

Kerry O'Connor said...

This is excellent, MZ. Parody must be witty if it's not to fall flat and yours is sparkling with clever lines. You seem to have such an ease with the rhythm and flow of the sonnet too.

razzamadazzle said...

This is wonderful fun!

Lolamouse said...

Seems like we're on the same parody page today,MZ! Never tell, but I read this and thought of my dear husband!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I am cackling. Love the "jaw still loose", and your final two lines cracked me up. I know people like that who seem to think they're only alive when they are babbling.

Sylvia K said...

Thanks for the giggles to start my day, MZ! What a hoot!! I love it!

Heaven said...

I love this part specially:

Farting in verse, and then snoring refrains!
I cover my ears, but hear every sound.

Terrific response, ha ~

Hannah said...

Oh my word!!! Mama Zen!!! I heart the heck out of this...thank you for the laugh! The closing is stinkin' perfect! :)!

Fireblossom said...

Oh goodness. This is superb, and hilarious, especially that last line.

PS--um...your ears are bleeding. Thought you'd wanna know!

Marian said...

love it! sonnets are impossible no matter the subject or tone. i'm impressed.

hedgewitch said...

You really aced the meter and form,MZ and the barbed wit is truly Shakespearean, as is the ribaldry.

And I so know this person...;_)

Susan said...

I have to stop laughing out loud to write this response, just as the poet needs quiet to write her sonnet. Brilliantly snotty! I love the lack of breath and the "flapping tongue," the "words on your lips" and "a tale in each hand." I have to quote back all of it . . . inspired by Shakespeare means to open all the stops and let it rip! An actor could totally get into character with this! The last line is such a reason NOT to die, despite the daily noose.
AND perfect sonnet form, rhyme, iambic. Can't get better than this, MZ, thank you for a touch of excellence with laughter!

Gail said...

Well done!

Polly said...

hahahahahahahahaha ... 'Then, at my funeral, you'll mourn too loud.' Splendid! :)

kaykuala said...

Chuckles! Beautiful parody MZ! Full of wits typical of your writings! Great!

Hank

Brian Miller said...

haha....yes, i dont know that covering your ears will be much of a help with this one....too funny....

Jinksy said...

What a hoot! Thank you. :)

Sharp Little Pencil said...

Ha ha ha ha ha. I did a parody, too, but this is too damned funny! You are a sly one, Mama, and I have to repost this on my Facebook page. Love and giggles, Amy

Susan Daniels said...

Laughing too hard to say anything intelligent. Loved!

Claudia said...

haha...so good...cheers to our friend will and to the snoring of verse...thanks for the smile

mrs mediocrity said...

hahaha, i love this! on weekends, my husband always tries to chat as i am writing my posts, and i've given him the evil eye for it many a time.

perhaps i will print this out for him... ;-)

Mary said...

I like the final couplet. I have SEEN that kind of mourner!

tino11 said...

Too funny, but I had no idea you had slept with my lass ;-0

I forgot it was Billy the Shakes birthday. I am sure he would have been proud of this one.

M. J. Joachim said...

lol - That was good!

Björn said...

Superfunny... Just too many great lines and citations here.

great

Emma Major said...

you never let us down, brilliantly funny

Buddah Moskowitz said...

"He he, you said farting." - Butthead, 1993

Seriously, if all complaining were so smartly done,

I'd catalogue each kvetch, every one.



Herotomost said...

I actually clapped at the end of this one...a sonnet that captures the true world around us rather than the over romanticized...its perfect I thinketh and I may swoon in the afterglow. Loved it!

Mystic_Mom said...

LOVE this. Love it. Really. So good. This is me trying to write. Yea you nailed it girl.

Charles Miller said...

Wonderfully bawdy, very Elizabethan with a modern lilt! superb phrasing and timing. As always, a pleasure to see you ply your craft :)

Nico said...

This is the best sonnet I've read in forever! Excellent fun here, I'll be laughing for a while.

Susie Clevenger said...

This is hilarious!

Laurie Kolp said...

LOL- You crack me up!

ayala said...

So good, you are a great writer.

emmett wheatfall said...

Beautiful! I just wrote a sonnet too. It's currently posted on my blog. I enjoyed reading yours. Nice write!

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh my goodness, MZ, the last line completely cracked me up!
Another stellar performance, all of it!
K

Helen said...

OK, it's cocktail hour in Bend, I'm half way through my glass of wine ... giggling my head off. It's not the wine, it's your poetry! Love this!!

Truedessa said...

This was rather amusing and I had to laugh you certainly have a way of going outside the box.

wkkortas said...

I am put in mind of the Monty Python sketch where Beethoven is trying to work on his Fifth and his missus is constantly underfoot, carping about potted meat and vaccuuming. This is enviable in its wry and witty.

Margaret said...

The Bard has met his match, you sassy wench!

rowantaw.com said...

This is so funny, and reminds me of someone I was speaking to the other day. They told me about a condition where certain sounds trigger aggression - for this person it was the sound of his father eating!

Adura Ojo said...

Farting in verse, snoring refrain...there is no love lost here! lol. I love it!

johnallenrichter said...

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely delightful! hahaahahahahaha.... Some people just affect us that way, don't they? So bad in fact that even in death they continue to bug us! Brilliant!

aka_andrea said...

oh, I do love living alone!

Todd Alan Kraft said...

Very entertaining. A well executed sonnet. What else is there to say? I'm glad I stopped by....

kkkkaty said...

Quite a commentary on the person who loves to talk..probably doesn't listen very well...very entertaining write!;)

manicddaily said...

This is just wonderful, MZ. So funny - the end especially I thought - I can imagine your nemesis boohooing with more whale than wail. Just terrific. k.

aquadragonfruit said...

Excellent!

Love these:

"Shall I compare thee to a babbling brook
or a stream of nonsense without surcease?"

"Even your slumber puts silence to strain"

Yousei Hime said...

*rabbit rolling, chortling with teary eyes*

Awesome. More humor in sonnets, that's what we need. Thank you for it.

Ginny Brannan said...

A clever and amusing twist on Shakespeare--wonder if he's laughing too!!!