Sunday, April 14, 2013

Last Thoughts Before Sleeping

Another Margarita by Joaquin Sorolla

There once was a girl.
She was selfish and primitive.
Her cravings, she was swift to trust.

Now, there is a woman.
She is resigned and resentful.
Her desires, she draws in dust

like letters from ripe to rust.

For Hedge's prompt at Real Toads

23 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ha. nice. funny how life will do that. nice on the dust and rust, it adds a touch to the destruction or corrosion...

Emma Major said...

very clever, this really captures addiction

Sylvia K said...

Ah, very clever and all too true, MZ!!

hedgewitch said...

Somehow I knew you would manage the word limit. ;_) This is very much in sync with the mood of the painting--of being caught, trapped, in a situation where absolutely no one cares, except you, and even you are wondering why. Brian has already scooped the lines I would have, so I'll just say fine work, and thanks for playing.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Ooh! The transformation is rendered with brutal honesty.

Ellecee said...

The full story in so few words, strong and expressive words,,,I see her life and feel for her,,we understand losses,,,

Fireblossom said...

This is the sort of stuff that makes me love your poetry, MZ. It's powerful, concise, and uses words (primitive) that aren't quite the usual choices. Best of all, you tell what feel like entire stories in just a few lines. That's a gift, and you have it in spades.

As for the painting, she's so clearly on the weary trip back, not the hopeful journey out.

Susie Clevenger said...

Like letters from ripe to rust...I love that.

Marian said...

is this a sevenling too? very impressive, whether it is or isn't. never trust those cravings! or, go with them and lose the guilt. okay, maybe the latter. :)

Peggy said...

Very sad and often sadly true. I am going to have to look up the sevenling form several of you have used here.

Shawna said...

Well I think she's sad she no longer gets to whimsically indulge in her cravings. There are always consequences and responsibilities, unfortunately.

I like the way the third line conveys a double meaning; she was swift to trust her cravings. But also, because of her cravings, she was swift to trust other people. Both got her into trouble.

The third line and the the sixth line I find most interesting because of those commas. They introduce additional information. But they also separate two thoughts. I even sort of read it with an ellipsis after each opening word pair. As in:

"Her cravings ... Ah, well. Let's not talk about those. Let's just say that she was eager to give herself to anyone and anything."

"Her desires ... Phew. We won't go into what those were! But they were so intense she's now left speechless, drawing in the dirt at her feet."

Also, there's so much weight behind the words "dust" and "rust." Lifetimes of negative energy, waste, age, being buried beneath filth.

In your last line, I picture something funny. As if Ripe and Rust are two people writing letters to one another. Perhaps Ripe is the younger version of herself and Rust is the older. So the desires being drawn in dust are also being written in letters from her young self to her old self. Sort of the way memories tell stories inside the imagination.

In your title, "Sleeping" represents an endless cycle of tormenting nights. But it may also be the Final Sleep: Death. These are her last thoughts as she dies: She has regrets ... either about what she did, or what she wished she did more of rather than becoming resigned and resentful.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"Her desires, she draws in dust." Been there!!! You convey whole volumes in an economy of awesomely-selected words.

Kay L. Davies said...

You are a genius at meaningful concision. There is so much in your seven lines, as there is in Sorolla's painting.
K

Ella said...

Wow Mama Zen you painted it well!
I love the rust-we all have a bit of tarnish to deal with...
Nicely done
:D

Mary said...

Very sad that it all didn't turn out as she wished and hoped......

Jinksy said...

Spot on for the picture. Well done

Loredana Donovan said...

Sad but true, you expressed the emotion of the painting with your words so well.

Helen said...

Damn sad when those dreams turn all rusty! I love this!

Margaret said...

...from ripe to rust.

I stand in awe (once again). You lifted the fingerprint off this painting and put it into words...

Wolfsrosebud said...

you captured the sadness of the painting

darkangelwrites said...

I'm gonna dig my heels in and be the girl in the first stanza till I'm 93.

Lydia said...

Wow!

Julia Chiang said...

I love this.