Thursday, March 7, 2013

Crossed Off

A list of the lost,
kindness, and a clipboard.
Names to cross off.
Dollars to account for.

Kindness and a clipboard.
Meth rot and a gun.
Dollars to account for.
Nowhere to place the son.

Meth rot and a gun.
A list of all the lost.
Nowhere to place the son.
Another name crossed off.

Fiction in 55 for my G-Man!

17 comments:

Brian Miller said...

this leads to a very sad conclusion...nice use of repetition though....reminds me of a mom, her son was taken from her and i was working with him...time for court came and she failed her drug test....said, "i did not know it would show up if i drank it.'

sad reality.

Sylvia K said...

Yes, a sad conclusion indeed, but probably a very realistic one for these days!

Grandmother said...

Treatment is NOT available to all who want it or need it so sons and daughters die as a result. Meth rot is a killer. The repetition in your poem highlights the frustrating run around families frequently find themselves in when seeking help.

Susan said...

This form is a great one for the addictions and repeated failures of societies who bury people sooner than aid them.

Gail said...

Sad but well said.

hedgewitch said...

Somewhere between a spell and a dirge, a list and a song, a battle and a black hole--fine writing and impressive use of varying repetition here, MZ.

Margaret said...

Fine writing. I could say that about every single one of your poems!!! You never cease to amaze me. Truly.

g-man said...

MZ.....
Sometimes you travel to deep dark places.
I don't want to see where it ends, but YOU suck us in.
Great piece of writing
Loved your check list 55
Thanks for playing, you are a class act K
Have a Kick Ass Week End

happygirl said...

The repetition is so symbolic of the magnitude of this situation in our world. So sad. Seriously sad.

izzy said...

It echo's well- almost like a dirge-
repetition is good here! Thanks-

I had a scene this week- writing-
with a knife; debated about using
it for 55...However I tackled a serious Sunday subject and felt I should wait. Maybe next week...

TALON said...

"nowhere to place the son"...that's a heartbreaker, Mama Zen. Sadly, it's always the kids who suffer from adult ridiculousness.

razzamadazzle said...

The repetition is very effective in this piece. Tragic but beautifully written.

Yvonne Osborne said...

The repetition reads like a pantoum, a pantoum with some variations...a pantoum gone wild with its subject. I don't get the meth head thing. Is it truly so addictive you would let the teeth rot right out of your mouth and fall into the sink?? Your poem is very well done.

Susie Clevenger said...

Such a monumental problem..your use of repetition just keeps reminding us how the cycle continues

Anonymous said...
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Fireblossom said...

Sounds like social worker hell. I almost missed this one, somehow.

manicddaily said...

Very well done. Ugh. You manage a lot so succinctly and precisely. Just terrific. k.