Sunday, January 20, 2013

Long Day For The Doctor

Sunshine gold
holds the kidnapped dark
star / light locked.
Frocked and besotted,
hot like an impetuous girl.
Pearls in clumsy hands
land lost in the frog mud.

But the witch doctor he don't stop.
Got restoration in his cast iron pot.
What voodoo needs, he'll gladly seed and bleed -

bringing night back to New Orleans.

A bit of Jasmine's Jetsam chain rhymed (I hope) for Hedge's mini-challenge at Real Toads.

25 comments:

Kim Nelson said...

This piece really got rolling at line 4 and I could not pull away. Well done!

Sioux said...

This is a form I'd never heard of. Well done, Mama Zen.

Sylvia K said...

No one says it better! Great start for my day and memories of New Orleans -- I lived there for a while, many years ago! Enjoy your day, MZ!

Teresa said...

I love this! You really use the rhyme to perfection!

Lolamouse said...

Dark and lovely, like good chocolate!

hedgewitch said...

You did a great dance with this, rolling from line to line with a smooth voodoo beat. I'm really liking the free verse forms of this I've seen, and this one is especially sharp and smoky. Last line is the exception that spices the rule with contrast--whole poem is one of contrast, actually, from those first lines. Thanks for giving it a shot,MZ.

Kerry O'Connor said...

There is something perpetually fascinating about the myths of New Orleans.

Marian said...

man, i've been there only once but it was an enormously impactful trip. thanks for taking me back in your impactful poem :)

Brian Miller said...

ha this has a fun rhythm to it...been to New Orleans, back before the flood....rather love me some louisiana...the food...and the mystery...

jasmine calyx said...

Gosh, girl. This is off the chain! ;)

I love New Orleans, especially at night. Especially in movies. And especially when voodoo/hoodoo is involved. You so creatively captured the atmosphere, the day refusing to give way to night, the swampy ways of the homespun cure.

But what I also see is a unique twist on the "opposites attract" expression---the secret seconds where sunshine gold and darkness meet, touch, and push away.

I love this:
"Sunshine gold
holds the kidnapped dark"

"Hold" has more than one meaning, and a kidnapping only means that someone has been taken, not necessarily by too much force.

I like the way you've expressed that stars and their light are broken apart. Without its light, is a star even a star anymore?

And this is super cool:
"Pearls in clumsy hands
land lost in the frog mud"

In your first five lines, I'm picturing an entire movie of scenes. And then you go on and write sequels in the next two, three, and final.

I'm picturing a girl kidnapped in the bayou by the "witch doctor." Maybe she minds, maybe she doesn't. And maybe she minds, maybe she doesn't. But he's not giving up until she has been "restored," no matter how much "seed" or blood he has to sacrifice or steal.

Fireblossom said...

Aw, damn. He doesn't take major medical.

Loredana Donovan said...

A bit of New Orleans mistique and some cool dark lines, true to form. Eerie.

Bo said...

This is just really good writing!

Susan said...

Love the means of restoration of the dark. Tight use of form in this story.

my heart's love songs said...

"hot like an impetuous girl"

great line!

brilliant use of the form, MZ! i really enjoyed this!

Other Mary said...

Love it, just brilliant!

Judy Roney said...

Oh, what a great poem. I love what you did with this form and the story told. Brilliant!

Mary said...

Love the air of mystery you created in this poem, MZ! Great use of the form as well.

Manicddaily said...

Yikes! This has the cadence of an incantation - I love especially the frocked and besotted - you are able to step in and out of the chant - so skillful and distilled. (As always.) K.

Hannah said...

I love the rhythmic feel of this one, MamaZ great job!!

jane hewey said...

crazy cool imagery and cadence. love this!

Kay L. Davies said...

I'm another MZ fan who loves New Orleans, although it's been a long time since I was there, but I still think of it as I saw it at night.
Thanks for taking me back there for a while.
K

Fred Rutherford said...

these chained rhymes are very cool. Really digging them. This is such a great write MZ. Killer lines in here, Great rhymes and just super cool. holds the kidnapped dark/star/light locked/frocked and besotted, hot like an impetuous girl- so good and the witch doctor stanza as well. Loved this one. Thanks

kkkkaty said...

Certainly the mood is there as well as the rhyming for a great write ;)

Grandmother said...

This richly captures New Orleans in such a unmistakable way. Liked it lots.