I unspooled my silvery tongue
between the knees of nothing.
I found it wet as water,
and I had a twin to spare.
The diary of an alpha girl
is oddly dead of details.
There is swimming.
There is drowning.
And, Alpha Girl's still here.
Getting Listed for Real Toads.
27 comments:
interesting verse...twisty...i like the first one best, though i think i understand the second more...ha.
I love your verse! YOU always find a way to entice many views ;D
Wow. "knees of nothing" "wet as water" a twin tongue? And yes, "oddly dead of details" but beguiling by the landmarks of living. You give the very sparseness a cadence that wins.
The image of the reflection in nothing, the spare twin, is compelling, like a shadow that grabs your ankles in that drowning pool. As always, never a wasted word.
Great write .. alpha girls are indestructible!!!
Straight to the heart, sister. Definitely one of my faves of the day.
So I could just say I'm crazy about the first stanza. But I feel this intense need to paste it, to connect it with my fingers:
"I unspooled my silvery tongue
between the knees of nothing.
I found it wet as water,
and I had a twin to spare"
"knees of nothing" ... right on
I've never read a better, more intriguing description of a tongue. Dripping and split, dangerous and mesmerizing. A lot of scary tales to tell, I'm sure. But she's not stupid enough to write them down.
There is a world of information in these three lines:
"There is swimming.
There is drowning.
And, Alpha Girl's still here."
She's a survivor, clearly. She swims hard. But she drowns hard too. She hurts more deeply than others. She just doesn't write it down, nor does she wear the details on her face. She just keeps standing, or floating, or whatever else she has to do to technically still be alive.
I feel sorry for this girl.
P.S. In case we all missed it, the first stanza is blatantly sexual. In fact, maybe that's all this is about. She just doesn't record the juicy details in her diary. So maybe this is the good kind of "drowning." In which case, the last line just got a lot better. She's not going anywhere for a while. The knees must appreciate that.
What I love most about poetry is that it does not have to be understood to be understood. If it doesn't demand something of the brain, shoot images off like sky rockets in the head, make the heart beat faster, then it's just an assorted arrangement of well-written (sometimes) verbiage.
You take us there, MZ, and beyond.
I came by last night when I had about one firing brain cell left, and didn't understand this poem. Glad I waited to comment, cos, reading it this morning, it is sharp and clear.
"I had a twin to spare." What a line. A stunt double to put out there "between the knees of nothing". The first stanza is sexual as can be, and yet "between the knees of nothing" lends it a chilling, hopeless tone...like drowning.
The second stanza reveals a papier mache alpha girl, a weirdly hollow survivor. She seems, at once, to say "look at me, still here, eat your heart out, world", but also to have paid everything worth having (being?) in the bargain.
How you do this in so few words is stunning.
Really a brilliant poem. So many layers to savor.
Love the diary MZ ~
The second stanza specially enchants me, dead of details, swimming & drowning ~
somehow i want a drink, even despite the drowning.
Many layers indeed! the hollow alpha-girl - such an image you portray here. the "I had a twin to spare" was brilliant, and the diary, the self-inputted-reflection perhaps unsurprisingly dead of details - "The diary of an alpha girl
is oddly dead of details.
There is swimming.
There is drowning."
Mmm... delicious. Obscurity, just obscure enough...hot in just the right way...cold, in beautiful contrast. This is a meaty-meal, MZ!! Awesome!!
This IS stunning, MZ. "There is swimming. There is drowning. And Alpha Girl's still here." An amazing poem. It kicks serious butt.
what they said!!!
LOVE this!
♥
Its why we love alpha girls....great job with the words, the imagery was great but the feeling that I got when I read it was even better.
Another of your wonderful weaving of words, MZ. You need so few and they say so much.
K
The second stanza for me, is magic. Determined, no matter what the cost. Wow.
Love the second one...such few words that weave such a picture...who did the swimming and who the drowning...hmmm...Love it!
Very charming. I agree about lack of details - alpha is not so big on those! k.
Exquisite!
Wow - I wish I had written this. From the first line tot he last just brilliant.
You are amazing! You say so much in so few words. Chilling and intriguing poem. I'll settle for beta status!
love the images you chose
Man, back in the day, I did an awful lot of unspooling of my silvery tongue. Like a blast from the past, espec. with the knees and nothing in between. Like the hearts of the guys I was with!
This was all dark and twisty, as Meredith Grey would say, and Mama, you have my vote! Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2013/01/04/twofer/
I like how you did this prompt. I get the feeling of being twisted and sad for alpha girl.
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