Sunday, January 13, 2013

Bluer

image by Kim Nelson

Looking for a bluer blue
I lost the sky,
and I lost you

and found instead the redder red
of a broken heart
that bleeds regret.

For the mini-challenge at Real Toads

21 comments:

Fireblossom said...

A sad story, complete and satisfying in six short lines.

Loredana Donovan said...

I like the alliteration in bluer blue and redder red. Your poem matches the painting well in colors and emotions.

Sylvia K said...

You do know how to say it perfectly with wonderfully few words!

hedgewitch said...

Short sharp and shuddery, as good for singing as for saying. Perfect match for that pic, also.

Brian Miller said...

enchanting little rhythm to this...that bluer blue will get you every time...like the greener green on the other side

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Be careful what you wish for, no?

Marian said...

damn, i never say this, but i wish i wrote this! just perfect, perfect, it's a freaking jumprope rhyme, the kind you don't actually want your kid to learn but they learn it anyway. LOVE IT.

Grace said...

Love the crisp colors and sharp words ~ I wish I wrote this ~

Kim Nelson said...

I like nothing better than clear conciseness, and you totally achieved that here. Ideal.

Susie Clevenger said...

A life written in six lines..regrets are painful

my heart's love songs said...

a great tale of the dangers of not appreciating what we have in so few words! killer last line!

Mary said...

You have told a story in verse. Lesson learned! Well penned!

Susan said...

Pow. I had to read this twice after it slapped me! The second time, it was still gorgeous, but I saw the foreshadowing. Stunningly tragic as it rises to its innevitble end. And colors! and sounds!

Kerry O'Connor said...

Yes, Yes, Yes... every word, every line.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Oy, such a gutpunch. Perfect.

Hannah said...

May seem like the easy way out but Shay expressed my exact thoughts on this...I love how complete it is, MZ!!

Helen said...

... be careful what you look for.

Margaret said...

exquisite!

jasmine calyx said...

Awesome artwork.
Awesome poem.

The first stanza is my favorite.

manicddaily said...

Wonderful. K.

kaykuala said...

A very familiar theme that many find themselves grappling with! Nicely MZ

Hank