Sunday, December 2, 2012

Two Views Of A Night

Oh, this honey hewn night!
I am manic with just desire
to shape your sugared stardust right;
put wax to fire
and fuse the fork between our wicks alight.

Oh, damn this forlorn night!
Our grand affair ground down to sand
by clash and drive and spit and spite -
you're just a man,
I'm sad to find; just a man of blacks and whites.

A form wordle for The Sunday Whirl and Kerry's Challenge at Real Toads

24 comments:

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"Shape your sugar stardust right" is brilliant, MZ. You aced the form which is not an easy one. Love it.

Brian Miller said...

put wax to fire
and fuse the fork between our wicks alight....wow great line poet...

like the intensity of the second...arent we all just a...smiles.

Mary said...

Ha, what sadness to find a mere human indeed. Sigh.

Sylvia K said...

No one says/writes it better and this one does have a real intensity.

Shawna said...

I really like the second stanza.

Ella said...

I love this poem! YOU added your MZen voice to a difficult form!
Bravo :D

Kerry O'Connor said...

Yeesh! Just a man... of black and white... Now there's a lament of the ages.

Emma Major said...

I feel the disappointment

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Yep. Just a man. It's what we men do best. :-P

Grandmother said...

A brilliant example of how it's all in our perspective.

Scott said...

Aroused passion and italicized buzz kill. It's a balance for sure. Stuff wears you down. I think,for us, that black and whiteness, has kind of been welcome. Reassuring. A certain honesty. It can be pretty romantic too. The words talked.

Hannah said...

Very well done, Mama Z!! You capture vibrantly the emotions...love this:

"I am manic with just desire
to shape your sugared stardust right;"

Excellent!

Michael said...

Theres something about this one that catches me lingering vagrant for more.

hedgewitch said...

Call and revulsion, the stronger the one, the stronger the other...but it gets pretty bland in no man's land, too.

Lady In Read said...

..love how you used all the words in this short contribution and so well too..
...'just a man' - that says a lot.. :)

Jazzbumpa said...

I see the first one from the male PoV and the 2nd from the female.

Woman are complex, while men can be distressingly simple.

Cheers!
JzB

unfetteredbs.com said...

I really enjoy your writing

Susan said...

I hope it's the first. I'm such a romantic, and I liked the forked wicks. The realist part of my says no way, he's just a man. HAH! Thanks for BOTH>

Mama Pajama said...

hooray! don't know why this made me want to cheer, but it did - maybe because it's so different than the relationships I tend to write about, sort of the other side of things...and because it's great.

Anonymous said...
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S.E.Ingraham said...

Brilliant idea - wordle both sides of the equation with succinct imagery and wonderful word use ... and really very well done - kudos

http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/12/ecstasy-driven.html

Grace said...

I like the heat of the first stanza, whew ~

The second stanza is waking up to see him just a man after all ~ Good set MZ ~

brenda w said...

I love the contrasting stanzas. This is a fine contribution! So glad to have your wordling your way through Sunday with us. :)

Tumblewords: said...

Brava! I love this...