What's a girl to wear
with so many scars to choose from?
I want to project my very best
when I'm dragged to the prison pyre.
My pale blue, retro conscience
brings out my gang / green eyes,
but it's lizard cracked, tarred and patched,
and the dial is stuck on Vice.
My gene pool flaunts my ass
like I'm melted and poured in it,
but it's pseudo-suffocating,
so I hesitate to wear it.
With so many scars to choose from,
oh, what's a girl to wear?
I want to project my very best,
so they'll have to burn me bare.
A little Jasmine's Jetsam for Open Link Monday at Real Toads.
24 comments:
I've no idea how anyone could beat that opening line. Whoosh!
gang/green eyes, gene pool flaunting ass... just burn me bare.
However you go, I'm sure it will be with your chin up and a dip in your hip!
My gene pool flaunts my ass
like I'm melted and poured in it,
but it's pseudo-suffocating,
so I hesitate to wear it.
Haha... this is so funny. I hope you have a grear New Year's Eve (and 2013).
haha gang/green...stuck on vice...smiles....relly fun word play mz....
I really don't have much to offer in terms of "insightful" comments. I just wanted to drop a note to let you know how much I liked this piece. Already stated above, the word play was clever and the opening lines were stunning.
I shared a birthday with Joan of Arc, and when I tell people that I also add, "And just like Joan, I suspect I too will one day catch fire." the fire is meant to be metaphorical, but people often don't catch that. I suspect your pyre here is more literal in nature.
I enjoyed this! What wonderful wordplay.
Your play on words always brings giggles to a gray day -- any day, actually!! Have a fun and Happy New Year, MZ!!
Wicked cool how you shredded the word list !! You certainly bared some sass and I love how "the dial is stuck on Vice." You picked the right day for it !!
Ha! Oh this is a fun read. Love the wordplay too. Happy New Year MZ :)
Sweet mother of pearl. Have I ever mentioned that you rule?
Sheesh, that last line gave me chills.
These are my faves:
"dragged to the prison pyre"
"gang / green eyes" (so awesome)
"lizard cracked, tarred and patched,
and the dial is stuck on Vice"
Love you, girl.
This is great! I love every word! Happy New Year!
There are many phrases I just "hate" you for, Mama Zen. ;)
lizard-cracked
the dial is stuck on Vice
burn me bare
AND you can sing? Yikes!
This is great!
Happy New Year!
This is powerful...I love the protagonist, proud of scars and imperfections and contemptuous of consequences. Very nice work.
SK
Yikes. Very well executed. (Ha.) k.
Happy New Year MZ - thanks for your wonderfully creative and sprightly spirit. k.
this is absolutely brilliant!
Happy Happy New Year!
♥
I love this poem, but I'm having difficulty saying exactly why--but I love this poem.
great lines as others have already written about
from:
the gang green eyes
to the gene pool that flaunts your ass...
My your scars be few
and your clothes be new
Randy
nice... a repeating theme for me, scars, scabs, skin, blah blah blah. yours sings!
now that's how you open a poem!! So many brilliant lines dotted throughout this piece, a few of my favourites: "I want to project my very best
when I'm dragged to the prison pyre.", " it's pseudo-suffocating," and "I want to project my very best,
so they'll have to burn me bare.", but really I'd just recite the whole poem to you! Great stuff ( I can't see a "follow"/"join" or whatever-it-is button on your blog, unless I'm missing it somewhere, but I'll be back!).
Taking for granted the snap of the whip in your rhetoric that always cuts to the bone, what I liked best about this was its oddly lyric cadence, almost like a slowdance love ballad--so at odds with the subject that it becomes part of the satire of self all on its own. The alliteration is a finely tuned detail that helps this feeling, I think.
You always have a way of making the seriousness of the subject appear to be polished with an infallible rhetoric. A lot of elbow grease to make that happen. I so love your wry style...and as said umpteen times before, there are some lines here that I would pay good money to say they were mine. Loved it.
Wow. Ouch. Amazing.
K
ditto what Herotomost said
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