Monday, November 19, 2012

Pinwheel Dress

I was a pigtailed girl
in a pinwheel dress
when Mama met a man
with thigh-high hands
and problems.

There are things you don't talk about.

When I'd balance ballet
across the cattle guard,
he'd peel me like an orange
with his eyes and suck hard
at my segments.

There are things you don't say aloud.

And, I felt so dirty
in my pinwheel dress -
with downcast eyes,
I ran
like I could outrun the mess of me.

There are things I still dream about.

For Open Link Monday at Real Toads

39 comments:

Margaret said...

oh....

Marian said...

argh. yeah, we ain't supposed to talk about that.

Brian Miller said...

like a punch in the gut...what a friggin sleaze ball...makes me sick to my stomach...

hedgewitch said...

Saw the tittle and was thinking summery thoughts--but there are summers, and then there are summers..very effective contrasts and visuals in this; being skinless, being devoured is not ever a feeling I could stand without running, either.

vivinfrance said...

I'm so glad you ran. Your inset lines are so true, but I'm glad you could write about it. I'm praying that this is not autobiographical.

Michael said...

and for this...man made shotguns.

Behind the Smile said...

My heart was squeezed with pain for this little girl as I read the poem. Powerful and full of the saying in the not saying.

Fireblossom said...

One of the worst things about people like that is that they transfer the blame onto the ones they violate. They're very good at it, and hopefully it will buy them a special place in hell.

Sylvia K said...

This is gut wrenching, MZ, and yes, it says all the horror without words.

Grace said...

This is a nightmare to run away from ~

Nice share MZ ~

Shawna said...

This is my favorite part:

"When I'd balance ballet
across the cattle guard,
he'd peel me like an orange
with his eyes and suck hard
at my segments."

She Writes said...

This is wrenching. You nailed it precisely.

ayala said...

Heartbreaking..makes me sad and sick. Great capture.

Jeanne said...

Your poem takes something ugly and unacceptable and exposes it to the light. Yes. Some things should be talked about and addressed. My prayers are with anyone who has ever had their innocent beauty corrupted by moments and events like this.

Mary said...

Whew....powerful stuff here. Some memories do NOT fade.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I cant remember who first said that line, "the world aint safe for little girl-childs", and it is sadly all too true. It amazes me how we all manage to survive our childhoods at all. Thankfully, your little girl will be safe, because she has a great mama who will make sure of it.

Far Beyond The Ridge said...

My mind has an image of silence, even the crickets afraid to chirp, but in minds~the roar of a freight train bearing down on it all without brakes.
A blur of lines that cannot be straightened or avoided.
Innocence run down, lust derailed, denial~the spectator. And all the cops in the donut shop unaware.
Powerful

Tatius T. Darksong said...

some things need to be talked about, for the sake of others

WabiSabi said...

Isn't is tragic that somehow children keep this horror to themselves. I hope the pig-tailed girl has some peace. Very strong writing!

Kateri said...

Wow. This sure threw a punch.

Susan said...

Carefully, surprisingly chosen words and pace: This narrative voice will reach others who don't know they are not alone--a very important reason to speak out, to admit and then expose the lie about why we exist. The pinwheels, the ballet, the joy were not his to take, so SPEAK OUT, talk loud, and take back the night. The three stanzas build with refrain format do this excellently!

Sharp Little Pencil said...

For me, the same nightmare. But not to forget. To tackle with all my might until it did not rule my life, spoil my relationships with men. It takes stamina, but dissecting that crap really does help. Mama, we all need to speak out. I pray to God this wasn't you... but if it was, you have a sister in me. Love, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/11/14/balloon-girl/

Susie Clevenger said...

I kept those things you don't say aloud inside of me for so many years...so thankful I found my voice.. Powerful piece!!

Modern Day Disciple said...

I hate that I felt a memory rising up from within me...stay brave. In the telling there is freedom.

Laurie Kolp said...

Powerful, MZ!

Herotomost said...

Its only when things like this are talked about that we can move in a positive direction, support each other and let each other know that we are OK. My sister was this girl...she never got over it, this one made me sad, nostalgic and realize just how much I miss her. Great work.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Girl-children walk that cattle-grid balancing act their whole lives, too often nothing but a meal for uncontrolled appetites.

You captured the pathos without sentiment.

Grandmother said...

This is so different than the title would foretell. I'm glad you could tell on the guy with thigh high hands- what a great/horrifying line. As is the second stanza. May your speaking out generate awareness that we women need to keep it from happening again to another daughter.

Ella said...

Whoa...this is so tragic and well done! So many have had to fight thigh high hands and run! Youth should be preserved...this is so sad!
Powerful-Bravo!

Karen S. said...

Oh my, yes- run, run like the wind! Nicely written!!!

Daydreamertoo said...

*Sighs.. they never know the mental damage they do which kids have to carry with them for their whole lifetimes.
Having been there myself too am shaking my head here MZ.
Powerful piece.

ReBelle said...

I don't have the words...

happygirl said...

So many of us girls can tell a story like this. It's sickening the way some are ruled by lust. Just sick.

happygirl said...

Oh, but you told the story so well. This was a powerful piece.

Robyn Greenhouse said...

wow - I thought this was going to be a sweet tale based on the title and opening, but it was far from that.

Dave King said...

Wow! I'll never be the same again!

When I'd balance ballet
across the cattle guard,
he'd peel me like an orange
with his eyes and suck hard
at my segments.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

manicddaily said...

Agree with Dave - that a particularly strong segment - and the thigh high hands. k.

my heart's love songs said...

i hope this is all fiction, MZ!

i'm afraid it rings all too true!

Linc said...

Oh, this hurts...

Bless you for finding a way to share it. It's amazing how we can clothe our most broken parts, from places deep in the dark, in verse and suddenly allow ourselves to take them by the hand and walk them into the light.