Thursday, October 25, 2012

Vultures

Black finely feathers blue.
Stealing shadows kill.
Rancid rain that pecks the eyes.
Stealing shadows kill.
Flooding the feet of the huntress fair.
Stealing shadows kill.
Till she's buried there in brainless number.
Stealing shadows kill.

A chant poem.

9 comments:

Brian Miller said...

interesting....really cool imagery, the 'number' threw me a bit and having a hard time fitting it in context, but really cool repeating line in your chant...

hedgewitch said...

Ominous, dark, and repetitive as a hypnotic shiny, that swinging line, and the murder of crows it seems to suggest.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Ominous indeed. Were you standing over a cauldron when you wrote this? Wonderfully creepy.

Helen said...

A chant poem ... best read while sitting round a roaring fire, in the middle of a forest!!!

Fireblossom said...

Those stealing shadows are a bitch, no doubt about it, girl.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Enchanting!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oooh, this is very intriguing......love the chant. It really works to set an eerie mood.

manicddaily said...

Very cool. I think of acid rain! Among other things. We have had this terrible set of deaths in NYC this weekend - they too come to mind. k.

Shawna said...

I love your word manipulation designed to play with our brains.

My mind wanted to read the first line as "Black fine feathers---blue" or something like that. But you're using "feathers" as a verb not a noun. You're really trying to make your readers slow down and absorb the poem.

Same thing with the next line. My natural inclination is to read "Stealing shadows kills," with "stealing" as a verb. But you're using it as an adjective. You're throwing everything off kilter (for me, anyway) with your altered language, creating a sort of twisted, horror scene from the get-go. I'm thinking of my new favorite show, Asylum. ;)

So the vultures are circling in the sky (black feathering blue).

If anyone would make a good thief, it would be a shadow. They are sneaky and know how to hide. You rarely notice them unless a lot of light is shined on them. So the vultures and the shadows are the rain pecking out eyes; they're not waiting for death ... they're stealing it.

I like your double meaning in "fair"---her fair skin, but also she thinks she is seeking retribution. The huntress sees herself as a sort of judge. She is a female version of Dexter. And her shadow demons do her bidding. The brainless number (a variation of "brainless numb") is a pile of "bodies" or souls at her feet. But I think it also describes her, as in seeking vengeange she has become a brain-numb monster. She is actually burying herself.

This could go in different directions, of course ... lots of possible interpretations. But this is the one I like best. :)