Friday, September 21, 2012

What It Was Like


Image via Creative Commons
Outside one morning,
waiting for the bus,
cold
and still half asleep,
I rested my head against a fence post
and my foot on the bottom
strand of wire.

"What are you doin'?"
he hollered from the front porch.
"Nothin',"
I hollered back.

He whipped me twice;
once for having my foot on the wire

and once more for lying about it.

For Mary's Mixed Bag at Real Toads

30 comments:

Kerry O'Connor said...

There are somethings, some moments, one never forgets, and these words captured such an event - whether it be real or imagined memory, I felt it.

Fireblossom said...

Once again, with so few words, you paint a very vivid picture. I can feel the cold, and her sleepiness. Then the sudden irrational attack. This make me angry at the unfairness of it, the concern for an object and the complete lack of human sympathy, and also makes me feel badly for the young girl.

Mary said...

I, too, feel sad for the young girl, who (as I figure the story) did nothing really wrong.... A vividly emotional write.

aprille said...

These lines are like the whiplash.

Mystic_Mom said...

Great write, and ouch, I can totally relate to the story shared here.

Grace said...

Great writing MZ ~ The ending lines came very strong ~

hedgewitch said...

The barb of injustice often festers into defiance, which leads to the release of all that foul matter such injury causes--one hopes that's the case here.

Far Beyond The Ridge said...

Well, now that's just nitpickin!
Rick

Sioux said...

This packed a powerful punch, Mama Zen. It speaks to the injustices all over the world and transcends centuries and cultures.

Kay L. Davies said...

Wow, Sioux is so right, MZ. You do pack a lot of power into a few words.
K

manicddaily said...

Very powerful and succinct poem. You are so good at compression. k.

Ella said...

Damn, you did pack a lot in your verse~ Shocking, is what that is :D
It is forever etched in your memory...so sorry!

Green Speck said...

Very well written ... so much feelings in your words :-)

my heart's love songs said...

ouch! painful!

Claudia said...

ouch...double painful..

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Like barbed wire........sharp, rusted and unforgiving..........

*hugs*

Mimi
Collage Pirate

Daydreamertoo said...

Very deep memory, a painful one too. You said so much in so few words but every word was effective.... MZ
Sad.

Brian Miller said...

hard memory but very real and clear...and yes there was a purpose behind it...smiles.

kaykuala said...

Some happenings sure get etched in memory especially when reprimanded unfairly! Nicely MZ

Hank

Laurie Kolp said...

Those memories last a lifetime... this is so vivid, I felt it.

Helen said...

... these are the moments in life that should not happen! You made it real for us.

gautami tripathy said...

I could feel the emotions..

wrapped in solitude

Susie Clevenger said...

A harsh memory...the innocence juxtaposed against harshness. This could be a page from my life.

Kim Nelson said...

I know him. Well. Are we sisters?

Mary Mansfield said...

Such a staggering image in just a few words. Love it!

Teresa said...

Beautiful yet painful combination of poem and picture. Your poem packs quite a punch in those few lines.

Laura Maria said...

Striking words. They stay with you even after you're done reading.
Sorry I'm running late in returning the visit. Thanks for the comment and visit to my blog a few days ago!

Margaret said...

This poem I have actually read a number of times. I grew up in the country and I KNEW not to stand on a wire fence... makes me think the child WAS being a stinker. BUT, of course, the guy sounds like he deserved it...

Intriguing

flipside records said...

This is haunting:

"He whipped me twice;
once for having my foot on the wire
and once more for lying about it."

I love the image suggestions: I see a newborn plant growing up toward the wire; but with your foot on it, you would essentially be stomping the plant before it has a chance to really live. And if the plant represents you or your spirit, then you are a person who was born crushing herself (and getting spanked for it). So no matter what, your spirit is trampled.

But I think I just made all of that up. :)

Lydia said...

Wow, this packs a punch....literally and figuratively. I am left chilled by it.