Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Dosed

I used green wood glyphs
to feed the fire,
witched up a story
while we got a little higher,
and hoped it was true
that white wine
goes well with a Pisces girl.

Under lunar light
the plain looks profound
and ripe for divination
when the bottle spins round.
Banishing better judgement -
came natural in the natural world.

Was it the loss of our heresy
that cost us our potency
and left us trembling for a tonic
to keep us safe and bored?

Dosed
of our own accord.

A much belated Flipside poem for Open Link Night at dVerse.

47 comments:

mrs mediocrity said...

oh, ouch. love this, so many meanings beneath the words.

"Under lunar light
the plain looks profound"

truth.

Steve E said...

"...hoped it was true
that white wine
goes well with a Pisces girl."

Yes, I have found this to be
universally true (ahem!).

LOVE this tongue-in-cheek, yet profound piece, Mama-Zen1
(WHO said "tongue in cheek
...holy moly and SHAZAAM.."
PEACE!

Claudia said...

i may should go and find some green wood glyphs...ha...safe and bored...ouch..

Susan Daniels said...

love that penultimate stanza.

Yousei Hime said...

I knew I recognized some Shawna flavor. Love what you did with the words. :)

lookingforroots said...

Aw man. What a sharp, sharp, well written poem. Safe and bored... Lots of meaning to untangle here. Love it.

Mary said...

Another good one. Yup, I think white wine would go just fine with a Pisces girl!

rumoursofrhyme said...

just loved

under lunar light
the plain looks profound
and ripe ...

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Yup! We do it to ourselves--ouch is right!

phoenixofthelinnet said...

Love this, it is taking me back out to the campfire :)

Anna Montgomery said...

So many perfect, biting lines, fabulous as usual!

jane hewey said...

wonderful rhythm. "ripe for divination" and "trembling for tonic" great wordsmithery!

manicddaily said...

Amazing how little we want to rise to the occasion (except in certain ways!) Very well framed and beautifully elaborated. k.

theprimate said...

It beats out well, and gets stronger the further in we go...a poem searching for the anti-dose

Daydreamertoo said...

It's the morning (all day) Head-banging hangovers the next day that used to get to me...lol
Lovely write MZ :)

Brian Miller said...

Was it the loss of our heresy
that cost us our potency....snap...and dosed of our own accord....painful truth...

Far Beyond The Ridge said...

I loved scene one, and pairing fire with higher.
And i think a white wine would be perfect for pisces
A wonderful telling mz, and a question for the ages to answer.
Rick

hedgewitch said...

Of course, I love this. I especially like the concept of spin the bottle divination, often practiced in my apprenticeship. The coven wouldn't be the same without you.

ayala said...

"Under lunar light
the plain looks profound"
painful truth..good write!

John Allen Richter said...

Wow, this took me to a lot of beach and fireside parties I went to when younger...... I still haven't shrugged off my heresy though, so I don't know exactly how my potency got lost... probably one too many wine bottles or Pisces girls! Cool poem... I must ask: divination? Like "divining for water?"

awakenedwords said...

the loss of our heresy...now, that is something to think on...

Grandmother said...

I remember my one and only spin the bottle which I thought was divination when it pointed to "the one". I did banish better judgement and kissed him in the closet but that was fun and anything but safe and bored (which needs no tonic). Great write.

Sylvia K said...

Love the rhythm to this one and lots to reflect on.

Nilanjana Bose said...

Under lunar light the plain looks profound...loved that!

poemblaze said...

Love the green wood glyphs and witching up the fire. Also the dark turn at the end.

Fireblossom said...

Look at you, girl! It's damned difficult to write rhymes while using a word list, even though I know Flipside makes those lists with an ear toward words that go together.

I like "witched up a story". Witch as a verb. Step back, amateurs! I love the entire second stanza, but especially the opening two lines and the final one. The repeated "natural" really reads nicely. That's my favorite line in the whole thing.

Remember "Fantasia", where wizard Mickey's broom does stuff all on its own? Your last full stanza is like that; the words are doing stuff that sounds really good, almost as if they're messing around by themselves just for kicks. But the story takes a turn here, and what began free and sexy, ends with a whimper. It's impossible to read it and not feel as if one has lost something, too.

Using "dosed" near the end and as the title works perfectly. This is good stuff, woman.

Laurie Kolp said...

I like this a lot, MZ. This would also fit into today's Real Toads prompt (although I haven't done anything yet).

flipside records said...

For me, this is one of your best poems. I could spend quite some time thinking over all the meaning you've packed into these few lines.

Your opening stanza alone is poetic magic and mastery. Really, it's the entire seven lines together, smoldering and rubbing against one another, that make the words burn. I couldn't even pull out individual phrases (which I started to do). It's your ear, your creativity, your ability to turn emotion into pictures and then into words. How you do that, I will never know.

I love the way this line works a double shift: "and hoped it was true" ... You hoped the story you made up was true. And also, you hoped that white wine + Pisces = delicious.

This itself is profound: "Under lunar light the plain looks profound" ... Anytime there is magic in the air, people look a little better than they really are. :) This is such a nice setup for the morning after when you're wondering what on earth you were thinking kissing so-and-so.

Another profound question: "Was it the loss of our heresy that cost us our potency" (great rhyme!)

I like the contrast in the type of drug you began with and the type you ended with.

Some of your poems (especially this one) remind me of my best friend in high school (a Pisces). This perfectly describes us.

Thank you for writing, MZ. It's always a treat. :)

flipside records said...

P.S. Pisces girls prefer the hard stuff.

Evelyn Adams said...

playful and flirty!
I dig!

kaykuala said...

Reminds me of the fun and laughter of a campfire night when young. Though the bottle part wasn't there. Nicely,MZ!

Hank

sonny said...

ah....how we wear the cloaks the environment puts on us....if only we could just be....give in....and just be.....

beautiful write...right length...right amount of metaphors packed into it...gr8 flow....

Arron Shilling said...


all the hallmarks of a classic mama
poem - bite and flirt with the muse of something that, though beautiful in its own right, will leave your tail with a sting!

:D

happygirl said...

Divination when the bottle spins. *smirk* memories and yeah, divination and finding the treasures in the circle.

Steve King said...

Heresy is to be cherished...especially when mixed with white wine!!! Sharp and intelligent. Very fine job.

colleen said...

I want to be around that fire!

Susan said...

Should I just walk on by when I've got nothing new to add except "I was here"?

"Dosed"
"Banishing better judgement -
came natural in the natural world."
(The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain . . . )

Bring on the tonic!
Too much nakedness, too much fire, story, wine, divination . . .

Ah, but it was fun while it lasted . . .

sharonlee said...

Smiles...sometimes we do what we must... and other times we do what we can...

Love the layers in this.

Ginny Brannan said...

"...and hoped it was true
that white wine
goes well with a Pisces girl."

Caught my eye with this one. Yes, I am a Pisces girl and speaking from personal experience, yes, white wine goes well! 'Nuff said!!

Really enjoyed reading this. Word choice, rhyme, meter, flow and storyline comes together for a very pleasing piece. Well done.

hyperCRYPTICal said...

'Under lunar light the plain looks profound'

Lovely stuff (all of it)!

Anna :o]

Buddah Moskowitz said...

This was just abstract enough to lead the imagination, but concrete enough for me to follow, thanks, enjoyed it.-- Concrete Head Moskowitz

Myrna R. said...

One can interpret a lot from this. I don't know what a flipside poem is, but if this is one, I like it.

poetryinverse said...

Bewitching tale! Thought inspiring too!

PattiKen said...

I like this. It's very... hmmm, maybe metaphysical.

Chris Lawrence said...

Like going on an adventure in word undergrowth a thick tangle with many strands and meaning, very interesting

kkkkaty said...

I love this.... for all the reasons given above by others..it touched on many thoughts...feelings...and white wine goes with Aries girls as well....

my heart's love songs said...

"Dosed
of our own accord."

this is a good one, MZ!