Sunday, July 29, 2012

Wayward Arrows

From my bow, six wayward arrows
arc sublime to rough the sun's halls.
Oh, fly fast, my sharpened sparrows!
Pierce proud channels through the sky walls.
Attack the clouds and break them all!
They'll settle on our drying bones
and our once rich and robust homes;
falling frenzy on the marrow
of  life left marked by tilting stones
and a flight of wayward arrows.

Sunday Whirl words in a dizain for Kerry's (brutal!) Sunday challenge at Real Toads.
Also submitted to Poetry Pantry.

29 comments:

Daydreamertoo said...

Very nice triple whammy again MZ Loved it ...'Oh fly fast my sharpened sparrows'... Ouch. ;)

Fireblossom said...

I tried this. Really, I did! But I gave up after turning my brains to gruel and still having only five lines done. Five not very good lines! So, all due admiration your way for accomplishing this.

Lines 3-5 stand out for me. I really like them!

Sylvia K said...

Great words as always, you are good!!

manicddaily said...

Strong poem. (I am ducking for sure.) k.

margo said...

If this is what that forms sounds like I'm going back and try again! I love the rhythm. The imagery is stunning. I love reading the poem over. Tried it aloud and that was good. So glad to have run into you here :-)

Lolamouse said...

Great job with a very tough form! I love the image of the arrows as birds!

flipside records said...

Great job with the form. But I'd love to read the same poetic thoughts in MZ's usually biting style ... just for fun. :)

These are my favorites:
"six wayward arrows arc sublime"
"They'll settle on our drying bones"
"falling frenzy on the marrow"

Grace said...

I appreciate the effort MZ on the form (I know as it took me long too) ~ I like the wayward arrows breaking the clouds ~ Cheers ~

Brian Miller said...

nice...great visual...heavy with feeling...and may be clouds break for you...smiles.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

I like envisioning the arrows as sharpened sparrows.

Whirling with Richard Wright

Far Beyond The Ridge said...

Wonderfully done mz! A passioned plea that rises and falls perfectly. But i must admit, i agree with flipside, it seems the form held mama's edge back a bit, and i love the mz edge.
Rick

Richard Cody said...

Oh my wayward arrows!

Kay L. Davies said...

C'est magnifique, MZ. I love your wayward arrows, and sharpened sparrows. Great stuff!
K

Judy Roney said...

Beautiful. I just finished reading the Hunger Games and your poem reminded me of Katniss. I thought of so much poetry I'd like to write as I read that trilogy. I don't think a novel ever led me in the direction of poetry before. Now this poem is the kind of poem that brought them all back.

awakenedwords said...

really nice, love the 'sharpened sparrows'

awakenedwords said...

really nice, love the 'sharpened sparrows'

izzy said...

LOVE the rhythm in this- very fitting
and some images like : sky walls!

hedgewitch said...

Though this has a more formal feel than most of your writing, it sacrifices nothing in sharp image and original language. It's unusual to call ten lines 'epic,' but that's the reaction I get here.

Carol Steel 5050 said...

I enjoy the rhythm and repetition of sounds and the images of wayward arrows. Dangerous.

aprille said...

Well done you with that difficult format.aprille.me

Kerry O'Connor said...

Despite your description of this form as brutal, you have totally owned it! I mean, one look at the words you have used, and the flow of sounds around your rhymes shows us your poetic skill. Beside technique, the content is just top drawer.

Kiana said...

I always love a poet that can finish a prompt! Lovely

Susan said...

A prayer for rain, in a way, aching for affect from the only tools left. My attempt at this form feels so plebeian after reading this soaring spirit, arrows, birds, clouds, and all!

happygirl said...

I had to look up dizain. Wow, good work. Likening the arrows to sparrows is wonderful.

Cotali said...

Magnificent piece. Well done!

myheartslovesongs said...

"a flight of wayward arrows"
may be, but there is nothing wayward about this poem and your perfection of the form!

Jinksy said...

I think you can have a Olympic medal for this... :)

flaubert said...

What can I say that hasn't already been said, Mama Zen. This is wonderful and does merit several reads.

Pamela

Hannah said...

Oh, fly fast, my sharpened sparrows!
Pierce proud channels through the sky walls.

Love that!! Greatness Mama!!