Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Ghost

Your ghost comma curls around my shoulders
when I go walking late at night
to seek my solace from the moon
once the whippoorwills have sung her to shine.

The laying on of hands failed twice
to wash my one wish from my flesh;
to mate the mist that's left of you
comma curled against my neck.

for Open Link Night at dVerse

41 comments:

Anna Montgomery said...

Great atmosphere and diction, I'm always impressed with your economy and emotional impact.

Brian Miller said...

dont know if that demon is gonna get cast out...smiles....comma curled around your neck...that is hot...smiles.

Daydreamertoo said...

Comma curled against my neck... Niceeee. :)

Sylvia K said...

You ARE GOOD!!

Steve King said...

A wonderful commentary on desire...perfect eight lines. So hard to sound so complete in such a small space. But the brevity is the window into something much larger...very fine job.

Hannah said...

MAMA!!! I love this...ALL! Your last stanza rocks!!

aprille said...

Diction or addiction of some kind: hard to see the difference here. Comma, always better than a full stop :-)

Claudia said...

comma curled against my neck..that is way cool

Kerry O'Connor said...

Astounding images and resonant words.

Kimolisa said...

Awesome piece, beautiful imagery.

hedgewitch said...

Lovely use of commas, MZ. (Trust me, that can be tricky. ;_) )

And quite a haunting you create with the ghost of a wish that can't be exorcised. Seriously good.

poemblaze said...

The poem is good. Avoid the faith healers and exorcists.

Laurie Kolp said...

Ooh... I love this... especially the first stanza.

PattiKen said...

"Comma curled against my neck..." I can just feel that. (shudder)

moonlitpoetic said...

this left me speechless. gorgeous poetics here to taste. thank you.

Nara Malone said...

I can see that curl of mist around your neck. Beautiful imagery.

Peter Wilkin said...

... & the comma suggests that your one wish still flickers with hope. Not one word wasted: eight lines full of impact & a whole poem so strong that I can't (& don't want to) shake it off ~ love it!

Timoteo said...

You da man!

ayala said...

Comma curled around your neck- good write!

Fred Rutherford said...

Nice. really nice read. I love the comma here, as it could be taken in so many ways, even in dialect, as in come and. Very nicely done. thanks

zongrik said...

ghost comma - that is so cool. i'm going to think about that all day.

yoga teacher limerick

Fireblossom said...

Ah, see? You jumped in on that conversation after all!

This evokes such a tender and melancholy mood, with a strong element of yearning. That ghost seems pretty alive to me.

marousia said...

So evocative and rich as always - I too have ghosts curled around my shoulders - I adore the last line - such a perfect image

Evelyn Adams said...

I love how your ideas make the poem itself a coma.
your pieces have a certain dark playfulness which I always enjoy.

kaykuala said...

Sensuously beautiful. Curling around the neck can be anything to start a conversation. Nice thoughts MZ

Hank

Charles Elliott/Beautyseer said...

Commas are such pesky punctuation!

Could be worse, I guess -- a semicolon would be ick and an ampersand might not stick. Around your neck...

emmett wheatfall said...

Clever! A wonderful write. You keep it short which strengthens the poem.

Apryl Gonzales Sweet said...

Comma curled round your neck... I quite like that imagery :)

mrs mediocrity said...

I just came in from outside, watching the fireworks and the fireflies beneath the moon... i thought those were mosquitoes tickling my neck, but now I wonder if they were commas...

great write!

Kamana said...

wonderful write!

turtlememoir said...

"to mate the mist that's left of you" made me shiver, i know that feeling

Victoria said...

There is power and skill in this. i especially like the whippoorwills singing the moon to shine.

Danny said...

I really enjoyed this a lot

Natasha Head said...

Short, powerful...oh yes, some of the best poetry comes in small packages...I'm experiencing a whole new relationship with my commas!

flaubert said...

Beautiful and succinct, not a wasted word, Mama Zen.
"comma curled against my neck", this is beautiful.

Pamela

Steve Piper said...

What a wonderful write, thank you.

Myrna R. said...

I really liked this. So creative. Great job.

Mary said...

This is impressive, MZ.

Chris Lawrence said...

Felt its resonance

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

You're so accomplished! :)

I like the comma image, and the mist.

my heart's love songs said...

SOOOOO cool! definitely one of my favorites, MZ!