Tuesday, June 5, 2012

This Box

Let me lock this box
of disappointments and give
you the only key.

If my traitor hands
tease and test the lock, take these
traitor hands from me.

And take these pearls of
past offense I noose around
my neck; loose them all

and let them fall like
precious planets finally freed
from hateful orbit.

For Haiku Heights and Open Link Night at dVerse

42 comments:

Joseph Hesch said...

Love this, Mama.

Traitor hands trying to unlock disaapointment struck a big old 6-string G chord with me.

~ j

Joseph Hesch said...

Love this, Mama.

Traitor hands trying to unlock disaapointment struck a big old 6-string G chord with me.

~ j

Steve King said...

each stanza is perfectly measured and balanced. 'traitor hands...pearls of past offense' ...just great!

Claudia said...

yeah..heck...lock that box..
...
and falling like
precious planets finally freed
from hateful orbit..... i like...sounds good to me...well penned mz

Laura said...

I love the flow of this Mama Z, really strong writing.

Louise said...

Very clever Haiku...and powerful...good writing, Mama Zen :)

hedgewitch said...

If they would just stop with taking the hands...a sharp and sad one for me, MZ, but spot on.

Brian Miller said...

better to be free of them that the noose not choke the life out of you...or the weight of the box become too heavy...

Daydreamertoo said...

Sounds like you need a chastity belt too! LOL
Serious thoughts here though,

Laurie Kolp said...

Let me lock this box
of disappointments and give
you the only key.

... I love that!

awakenedwords said...

put my past in another's care and keep it from me.....very nice.

ayala said...

Love this, Mama Zen !

Robert Gibson said...

This is a TIGHT write... the imagery is vivid and awesome!

Sioux said...

All three, MZ, are winners. You continue to give me reasons to dislike you. ;)

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Loved this --especially the opening--great sense of flow and not a word wasted--

Buddah Moskowitz said...

You're a better man than I - I'd never lock the box of disappointments and give it to anyone, I'd burn the box.

Wonderful writing, love you MamaZen

Sylvia K said...

As always, you say it all and you say it perfectly and I do so relate.

Heaven said...

This is lovely MZ ~ Like the traitor hands and box of disappointments ~

marousia said...

Simple and so so rich! Masterful writing - love it

Christopher Reilley said...

Traitorous hands is a terrific image, very nicely played into a universal truth.

Gail said...

Wow, love it.

Myrna R. said...

I like this. It made me feel feisty, defiant and free. Good write.

Fred Rutherford said...

I love the way you completely take ownership of the Haiku. No one does them better in my opinion. This is another very cool piece, filled with very neat lines, that can now be added to all the wonderful ones you've posted previously. Can't say enough. Great write. Thanks

J Cosmo Newbery said...

A nice multiplication to escape the haiku restraint!

MAHARUKH said...

"precious planets finally freed from hateful orbits", wow how many emotions have you touched with your brilliant haiku??? hats off to it :):)

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Oh just love this string of clever haikus!

Anna :o]

Jaideep said...

Another damn comment,. good going! cheers :)

manicddaily said...

wonderful language here and intensity. k.

Leo said...

pandora's old box
can its key be entrusted
to one trusted most

rosemary mint said...

Love this, especially the sound (including the rhyme with "keys"):

"If my traitor hands
tease and test the lock, take these
traitor hands from me."

Evelyn said...

I love those first two stanzas best.
I can see the box.

kaykuala said...

When we reflect back we realized we may have offended some people. Good to unshackle the conscience off our necks. Nice write,MZ

Hank

Sharp Little Pencil said...

"Pearls of past offense I noose around my neck," what a knock-out line! Not just the imagery, but the story behind the pearls, real or symbolic... wonderful. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/28/military-schooling-the-sunday-whirl/

Chris Lawrence said...

Everything about this felt good great imagery and feeling

Fireblossom said...

this has a beautiful flow to it.

happygirl said...

Oh those first two stanzas. They are sad and pleading and I know them too well.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

I don't believe I've ever seen "noose" used as a verb before, but you have crafted the line quite deftly. Amazing!

The Lock Begins to Sing

marousia said...

Love it!

Pranita said...

OMG! One of the best take on the LOCK prompt i ve read.. intense and beautiful!
Flavors of experience!

Dave King said...

The final image is delightful, a perfect ending to a well crafted piece.

Tarang Sinha said...

I liked the idea of locking the box of disappointment:)

ArtMuseDog and Carol said...

Wow! Wonderful! ^_^ (A Creative harbor)