Let me lock this box
of disappointments and give
you the only key.
If my traitor hands
tease and test the lock, take these
traitor hands from me.
And take these pearls of
past offense I noose around
my neck; loose them all
and let them fall like
precious planets finally freed
from hateful orbit.
For Haiku Heights and Open Link Night at dVerse
42 comments:
Love this, Mama.
Traitor hands trying to unlock disaapointment struck a big old 6-string G chord with me.
~ j
Love this, Mama.
Traitor hands trying to unlock disaapointment struck a big old 6-string G chord with me.
~ j
each stanza is perfectly measured and balanced. 'traitor hands...pearls of past offense' ...just great!
yeah..heck...lock that box..
...
and falling like
precious planets finally freed
from hateful orbit..... i like...sounds good to me...well penned mz
I love the flow of this Mama Z, really strong writing.
Very clever Haiku...and powerful...good writing, Mama Zen :)
If they would just stop with taking the hands...a sharp and sad one for me, MZ, but spot on.
better to be free of them that the noose not choke the life out of you...or the weight of the box become too heavy...
Sounds like you need a chastity belt too! LOL
Serious thoughts here though,
Let me lock this box
of disappointments and give
you the only key.
... I love that!
put my past in another's care and keep it from me.....very nice.
Love this, Mama Zen !
This is a TIGHT write... the imagery is vivid and awesome!
All three, MZ, are winners. You continue to give me reasons to dislike you. ;)
Loved this --especially the opening--great sense of flow and not a word wasted--
You're a better man than I - I'd never lock the box of disappointments and give it to anyone, I'd burn the box.
Wonderful writing, love you MamaZen
As always, you say it all and you say it perfectly and I do so relate.
This is lovely MZ ~ Like the traitor hands and box of disappointments ~
Simple and so so rich! Masterful writing - love it
Traitorous hands is a terrific image, very nicely played into a universal truth.
Wow, love it.
I like this. It made me feel feisty, defiant and free. Good write.
I love the way you completely take ownership of the Haiku. No one does them better in my opinion. This is another very cool piece, filled with very neat lines, that can now be added to all the wonderful ones you've posted previously. Can't say enough. Great write. Thanks
A nice multiplication to escape the haiku restraint!
"precious planets finally freed from hateful orbits", wow how many emotions have you touched with your brilliant haiku??? hats off to it :):)
Oh just love this string of clever haikus!
Anna :o]
Another damn comment,. good going! cheers :)
wonderful language here and intensity. k.
pandora's old box
can its key be entrusted
to one trusted most
Love this, especially the sound (including the rhyme with "keys"):
"If my traitor hands
tease and test the lock, take these
traitor hands from me."
I love those first two stanzas best.
I can see the box.
When we reflect back we realized we may have offended some people. Good to unshackle the conscience off our necks. Nice write,MZ
Hank
"Pearls of past offense I noose around my neck," what a knock-out line! Not just the imagery, but the story behind the pearls, real or symbolic... wonderful. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/28/military-schooling-the-sunday-whirl/
Everything about this felt good great imagery and feeling
this has a beautiful flow to it.
Oh those first two stanzas. They are sad and pleading and I know them too well.
I don't believe I've ever seen "noose" used as a verb before, but you have crafted the line quite deftly. Amazing!
The Lock Begins to Sing
Love it!
OMG! One of the best take on the LOCK prompt i ve read.. intense and beautiful!
Flavors of experience!
The final image is delightful, a perfect ending to a well crafted piece.
I liked the idea of locking the box of disappointment:)
Wow! Wonderful! ^_^ (A Creative harbor)
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