Her voice is a helix,
a ragged sugarcane scream,
that spirals from the dark diaphragm
of her grief.
Doubt is the dirt
in which the whiskey lily grows.
"Yes" is another shot,
another quick flip of the wrist,
smooth as a Fender's maple neck.
"Later" is something
she never considers at all.
For Shawna's Monday Melting Pot.
Also submitted to Real Toads.
27 comments:
ragged sugarcane scream
that is one cool line!
great piece
Slammin' write, Mama. Your title got me all excited because I used to follow (stalk) a band in San Antonio called Circle of Fifths. It was a cover band I was completely obsessed with. They did all kinds of No Doubt songs, and I went to see them every weekend. :)
So for me, this was full of fond memories.
I love your opening lines: creative, crisp, and painful. So many singers do seem to call on their deepest houses of pain to draw forth musical essence and expression. Soulful cries.
LOVE the whiskey lily. It does grow the belief that later doesn't exist.
~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
whiskey lily grows in her belly! yessss. indeed it does. that's right profound, right there.
.. that was me in another life. Great write!!!
I love the flippancy of this. I love the youth it evokes. I miss that time of my life. sorta.
Raw and lovely.
ragged sugarcane scream...dark diaphragm of grief...doubt as dirt...
WOW. This is beautiful and raw, and soulful...and just a gorgeous use of the words. Amazing.
De
Phewwww... is she a lush or what! LOL
Hope got the meaning of that American word right... sometimes I'm not sure! haha
Another fab write from your pen Mama Zen (Gosh I made that rhyme too) Hehe
I especially like "doubt is the dirt in which the whiskey lily grows." I can see her. Powerful write, kiddo.
Doubt is the dirt
in which the whiskey lily grows...
Yeesh! What a line, what a concept.. This poem exemplifies everything I envy in your talent. It is cutting-edge, voice of the times stuff.
Exceptional use of that word list, MZ--and the result is an exceptionally sharp poem.
cool piece MZ. Love these lines in particular, Her voice is a helix/a ragged sugarcane scream. Doubt is the dirt/in which the whiskey lily grows. Thanks
love it, esp, 'dirt where the whisky lily grows'
I specially like:
Doubt is the dirt
in which the whiskey lily grows.
Great stuff MZ~
This is fantastic...i too love "doubt is the dirt in which the whiskey lily grows."
That second stanza couplet kicks ass.
Your poems are like great line drawings that have just enough detail to captivate and enough white space to let my gray matter fill in the gaps.
Wonderful writing, MZ.
the last stanza tells the whole truth
Wonderfully done, with no wasted words. I really like "Later" is something
she never considers at all.
K
Whoooaaaaa!!!!! Whiskey Lilies, fender necks, ragged sugercane screams. Let me tell you, this one was light and dark and dirty as a poem can be, its like you took some of the best images, tactiles, tastes and sounds and threw them into a mixing bowl and whisked them within an inch of their lives until your forearm felt like it would fall off.....I soooo loved this one.
Startling, beautiful combinations of words...a great success, felt this in my heart.
A dark scene written quite beautifully...could have been me in another life. Nice write Mama Z!
Wonderful. So crisp and evocative, but nice and short, concentrating the punch. K.
"smooth as a Fender's maple neck" -- I hear that!
'Her voice is a helix,'
'"Later" is something
she never considers at all.'
from beginning to end, this is a brilliant poem!
♥
This was created from a word list? It has such mood and drama!
I composed a piano ditty once on the circle of fifths -- it could go on endlessly, the last tone become the ascendant fifth of the next. Round and round it goes, a helix whose end nobody knows, just like taking all of those shots from a fifth that doesn't have a bottom. Pretty devious, and this singer's plight is famously wound between shining and shimmying down down down. Very cunning and true. I couldn't help think some of Whitney Houston, so gifted with gospel, so entranced with the truth of dark places. - Brendan
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