Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Poison

Keep your burnished coins.
I'll keep my heart shaped sky.
Only the simple suckle poison,
and I've no wish to die.

But, if you offer me your lips
and lean your staff against my wall.
I might give you leave to dose me
with your poison after all.

For the Sketch Poem prompt at Real Toads.
Word group: coin, heart, leaves, sky

24 comments:

hedgewitch said...

I liked that group--it's an odd conglomerate--and I like what you did with it--a very graceful tumbling act from concept to concept--the poison suckling, esp. The heart shaped sky defines as much as the rejection of the coins.

Laurie Kolp said...

This is a tough exercise for me... you make it seem so easy.

Fireblossom said...

Whoa! Those 3rd and 4th lines jumped up and smacked me.

...and I liked it!

Mama Zen said...

I just realized that I posted the wrong edit of this. I've corrected it, and it now includes all the words from the word group. Ooops.

Sylvia K said...

Terrific as always and you do make it seem easy! I'm afraid to even try!!

Ella said...

It has some spice, which is surprising and nice~ ;D
I enjoyed your write!
You did make it look easy!
Well Done

kaykuala said...

Love the write! MZ! Easy does it!

Hank

Kerry O'Connor said...

No one handles the turn of a poem the way you do.. we're heading one way, then you flip it with all the skill of an acrobat, and in the matter of a single line.

Fireblossom said...

MZ--I noticed that last night, but imho, it reads better the first way.

Then again, I have the brains of a gnat. :-P

Temptress said...

"But, if you offer me your lips
and lean your staff against my wall.
I might give you leave to dose me
with your poison after all."

Love this! Subtle, but erotic as hell!

Margaret said...

OH... temptation and desire will be the fall of her yet! :) Amazing, once again.

Teresa said...

You did master this exercise! I love your poem of temptation.

Daydreamertoo said...

Very nice, sensual too :)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"I'll keep my heart shaped sky" is a line I wish I had thought of! LOVE this poem!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! That ending. :) Such a clever girl. Love:

"Only the simple suckle poison"

~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Lolamouse said...

Goes down easy. Love it!

Carol Steel 5050 said...

Sensual surprise and such rich images. Lovely, makes one desire the poison.

Fred Rutherford said...

Very cool. Love the metaphors here, both fun and neat, all in one. Nicely done MZ. Thanks

Friko said...

Excellent, simple but totally understandable.

Tara R. said...

You combined those four words into something amazing.

Herotomost said...

Who could resist!...lol. I agree with carry, you have the best way of bringing a poem full cirle, no matter how short or long and do it with purpose. Great writing.

Mystic_Mom said...

Shiver - this is darkly magical. Love it!

Susie Clevenger said...

Heart shaped sky...this is sensually dark...love it!

Hannah said...

I, too, love your heart-shaped sky!