Thursday, March 8, 2012

Past Tense Moon

Dark as a past tense moon
shorn of all her shine.
This empty, starless room.
Dark as a past tense moon.

Storm clouds at the loom
for the weave of a widow's sky.
Dark as a past tense moon
shorn of all her shine.

A moon triolet for dVerse and Poet's United

35 comments:

hedgewitch said...

I've read a lot of very neat triolets in the last hour, but I have to say, this one goes in my Triolet Hall of Fame. Moody and murky and ominous--all my favorite flavors.

Fireblossom said...

Since I know quack about triolets, I'm going to go by Hedge's seal of approval on this one. :-)

Brian Miller said...

frick..you rock MZ...def love your anchor lines...and mine just sucks...for shame for shame...smiles.

G-Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"Storm clouds at the loom
for the weave of a widow's sky" ... Great use of "loom" and "weave," allit. with "weave" and "widow's" ... clouds, sky, stars, moon. So few lines, yet so much imagery. Impressive, Mama.

~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Heaven said...

I like dark as a past tense moon...very intriguing line ~

Nice form too ~

Polly Janos said...

as a textile artist I love your word play in "Storm clouds at the loom for the weave of widow's sky". Masterful!

Mystic_Mom said...

Woven with craft and care, I love this! Wow...

Manicddaily said...

Such great anchor lines--the past tense moon and the widow--terrific. K.

RD said...

"shorn of all her shine"...there are lines that seal a voice...this does so...form and function...check

Peace ☮

Sylvia K said...

Sad, achingly beautiful and you've done it again, MZ!

Sylvia

Bodhirose said...

My favorite triolet so far tonight...love it.

Semaphore said...

Excellent work. As others have said, great anchor lines - but a couple of the other lines are strong enough to be able to stand as anchor lines as well!

Karen said...

The first line did it for me...terrific!

Claudia said...

Dark as a past tense moon...i just love this mz!!

Beachanny said...

Definitely love your anchor lines, and can feel the palpable sadness in the lines. Made me want to cry.

Dave King said...

Lovely. The first two lines of the second stanza racked up the intensity more than a bit.

rumoursofrhyme said...

Oh my goodness. I thought I'd done OK with my triolet, but this is the jackpot! Considering giving poetry up because I doubt I'll ever be this good.

rumoursofrhyme said...

Oh my goodness. I thought I'd done OK with my triolet, but this is the jackpot! Considering giving poetry up because I doubt I'll ever be this good.

Ella said...

Wonderful triolet
Your take is beautiful
I love the idea of weaving magic
In the night sky

Laurie Kolp said...

I really enjoyed this, MZ!!

Kerry O'Connor said...

I only realized this was a triolet on the second read. Love the repetition, but every line is perfect... past tense moon.. Yeesh! Professional jealousy is not pretty ;)

janaki nagaraj said...

Nice words here...past tense moon..that's something new.

Kat Mortensen said...

Ah! Are we talking "Penelope" here?

I love the shorn and shine combination.

~Kat

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is one of my absolute favorites of yours. Love the lilt, the rhythm, the repetition and, especially, every perfect word. Wowzers! Past tense moon. Brilliant.

ab said...

I love how you play with all of these different forms...awesome as always...

Teresa said...

True to the form, and I love that past tense moon. Great description.

Mark Windham said...

Excellent, 'past tense moon', that is a great phrase.

Lolamouse said...

I want to have written this one (she says, green with envy)

Nara Malone said...

Beautiful, MZ. I love that image of a past tense moon.

ayala said...

I enjoyed this :)

Charles Miller said...

I really enjoyed this. You gave much soul and vision to the form, without sacrificing its spirit of repetition. You've exploited it for your purposes which sound so good and produce such a doleful knell. There's much sadness here, a bit of gothic, but those shadows draw forth deep emotions which I always associate with your writing.

Fred Rutherford said...

awesome lines here, love the past tense moon and the weave of a widow's sky. Cool piece MZ. thanks

Other Mary said...

I really like the past tense moon and the weave metaphor. Good one!

pandamoniumcat said...

Wonderful triolet... I just love the Dark as a past tense moon shorn of all her shine... wow!