There are new maps
in your war-worn eyes
new maps
with strange names
and shifted borders,
and I am lost
lost and hesitant with my steps,
unsure that the old, familiar path
of "I'm Sorry, I Love You"
will get me home.
For the "borders" prompt at dVerse
21 comments:
sometimes the borders can shift quite quickly..and we need to re-think the way...this is great mz...deep with meaning in such few words...great job
Terrific, and you do find the deep meaning in such a few words! You are so talented and I'm so glad I found your blog -- back then! Hope your weekend is going well, MZ!
Sylvia
This breaks my heart in less than 45 words. The sense of confusion and sadness is palpable. I can practically feel the earth shifting under her feet, and her trying to find a balance point to work from.
really nice write MZ, I've always had a fascination with maps myself, love the strange names, shifted borders, then using steps and path in the final stanza shows great consistency. Also, I really like how the consonant repetition in the second line "war-worn" transitions into the "lost-lost end/start of the second and third stanzas. really a great touch. Thanks
It is rending and so aptly captured in your excellent voice. I've greatly missed being connected at dVerse and getting to read work that is so alive.
It is rending and so aptly captured in your excellent voice. I've greatly missed being connected at dVerse and getting to read work that is so alive.
Deceptively simple, intimate and beautiful, MZ. xxxj
very nice MZ...very evocative...and you gave just enough to put us there...and share the feeling...very nice...
Excellent dynamic here of sympathy for the one addressed, the realization that war is not good for children and other living things, like love and the speaker, and confusion at the inevitable changes wrought. There is a sadness, yes, but its the sadness of seeing the way things are, and that they didn't have to be so. Or so sez I. Fine and cutting poem, MZ
Those wars change our perspective in life, and we are never going to be the same again.
Nice one MZ~
It drips uncertainty. Nicely written.
Sometimes I'm sorry and I love you aren't enough.
So hard not to get lost when the borders shift. Nice poem.
That 5 word mantra has a use-by date. Only works for so long.
Insightful poem.
Terrain is more permanent (though it too eventually shifts over time), but cartography is always in need of updating as we struggle for vantage and place. In every relationship, the map is endlessly re-inked with those x's that say "I am here" and y's indicated "you're there, aren't you?" And it never ends until a wholly new world comes into being and the old maps have to be thrown out. Fine poem MZ - Brendan
The image of the map works wonders with your theme. I think I winced at how close a poem like this can be to home. Excellent writing.
So many things change because of war...both for the one who serves and the one who waits. This poem chills me.
I know that trail home. This was a wonderful pov for this topic.
maps are the best way to get to know a place
Heart-wrenching. I love your take on the prompt.
So good, Mama. You punch me every time.
"lost and hesitant with my steps,
unsure that the old, familiar path
of 'I'm Sorry, I Love You'
will get me home."
The potency of those words does wear off over time.
~Shawna
Here's my "borders" entry:
http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/borders/
But you might like the "sushi" one better:
http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/sushi-teaser/
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