I took a quiz
in a book.
The results indicate
that I am not in touch with my feelings.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Okay, I admit that when the school counselor said,
"We think she has ADHD,"
I nodded, all calm and polite,
just as if my manicure wasn't maiming my palms so badly
that I would walk around with unacknowledged guilt stigmata
for a week.
And, sure, the last time I got a call that Mom was in the ER
I immediately fired up the old pipe of dreams
and started asking her doctor
if this drug or that drug might be right for her.
No, I didn't cry when Old Yeller died.
Still, I think I'm pretty in touch with my feelings.
I mean, I have to be.
How else am I going to push them away?
For the Emotion prompt at dVerse
26 comments:
Feelings have their own ways of getting back at you for not getting in touch, don't they. This one got me all twisted up. Excellent piece--the 'unacknowledged guilt stigmata'-- great great line (even if I think it should be 'undeserved guilt stigmata.')
I loved that line ("unacknowledged guilt stigmata") too - thought it brilliant, in fact. And I had to smile at the last stanza, last line. Well done.
feelings...sometimes i wish i touched them less...the guilt stigmata is a good line...we can only bury them for so ling you know...
Christ, you know it ain't easy...
I cry EVERYTIME I see Old Yeller
So very apt-- we do that, but as poets I don't think any numbing works. Very to the point poem-- !! xj
No, it surely isn't easy -- ever!
Sylvia
Ah.
are we related?
made me smile as i fought a fierce battle against my feelings cause i was afraid of what they might do to me...and i was right..they are dangerous...and still...smiles
If you have ever know a 'feeling free person' you would welcome every excruciating nerve end and suffering that goes with having them (feelings)A block of cement does not have much of a life.
The last line provides the key. Who wants emotions all up in their faces anyway? (I did cry when Yeller died, Bambi's mom too...)
Loved it when you said, "I don't know how I feel about that" sometimes, I wish I wasn't so in touch with my feelings...but I have become really good at hiding from others how in touch with my feelings I am....
Lots of folk will do anything to flee a feeling they can't quite name or understand, stuff banging against the undersides of the floorboards of the past. Take a drink, a lover, a trip, a fistful of pain meds, shop, masturbate, take Jesus for a lover, etc ... It's like trying to sail a ship on an uncharted, surly ocean. I like the way to approached the prompt with indirect heat and pressure, getting to their magnitude by describing all the ways they menace Like riding a horse bareback and blindfolded and backwards. Great job again, MZ. (PS, my brother had ADHD and died, I think, from overdosing on Ritalin. Much as he wanted to live from the heart, he couldn't stop jumping from his skin.) - Brendan
The twist at the end really works...
Since you are a writer, I'd be inclined to say you know your feelings very, very well...maybe you're just choosy about who to share them with.
Only guys cry when Old Yeller dies. But I wore sunglasses to all the IEP meetings at my son's school. Damned feelings... I like to keep 'em on ice. With a little scotch...
Haha... I love this one, MZ!
I think we underestimate how children react emotionally to psychiatric diagnoses nor do we help them reclaim a new sense of self incorporating all parts of themselves. Your poem is painful in that light and your description of your reactions poignant.
Love your conversational tone, can't ever get enough of that. You are by far and away a great storyteller. This piece has your usual wit about it and some really awesome lines in it as well. The old yeller line is great and the guilt stigmata is wicked cool. Great job. Thanks
I'm amazed how you managed to created your masked indifference with this weaving of words. The voice is perfect, sort of made me feel like the veneer was about ready to crack. Really good, Mama!
Still, I think I'm pretty in touch with my feelings.
I mean, I have to be.
How else am I going to push them away?"
AMEN, mamacita. :)
Finally, someone nailed the "emotions" theme.
Love this!
Ever consider going into psychiatry?
clever one.
Mama Zen ... this is brilliant.
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