Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A Boy / A Girl / A Car

You were a boy
with a car,
and you loved me.
I was a girl
with places to go.

You had the keys
that you thought
would change me.
I didn't care for boys
who drove too slow.

You prayed for strength
to resist temptation.
I prayed for temptation
to come my way.

You were a boy
with a car,
and you loved me.
I was the girl
that let you drive away.

14 comments:

hedgewitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hedgewitch said...

Cursed by typos, but trying again. This is what I meant to say:
This is eerie MZ--I've been revving on this same sort of place today--see my latest post--wrong place wrong time who knows but what if, etc. I've even got the picture of the car door. This is giving me some serious chills.

Above and beyond all that personal blah blah blah, this is an excellent poem, tight and not a wasted word. As you can tell, it resonated.

Fireblossom said...

I adore this, from the way you arranged the title to the inevitable ending. You are a storyteller.

Sylvia K said...

I love it, of course, and you are indeed a great storyteller!!

Sylvia

Sioux said...

Sparse. Simple, yet so powerful. (I am cursing Shay right now, for getting me hooked on your blog---yet another monkey on my back! ;)

happygirl said...

A fast girl in a fast car and a slow boy. I like the way it came together.

Dave King said...

Lovely, made more so by the touch of sadness (pathos?) at the close.

ayala said...

Love it!

Marion said...

Perfect poem, clear as an autumn day! xo

Tara R. said...

I loved this, loved how it reminded me of the fast car my husband had when we first started dating.

kaykuala said...

A happy girl in a car. Convenience and safety are enhanced for the better!

Hank

shannon i olson said...

hmmm this brings some thoughts to my mind of me the troubled girl looking for that temptation....knowing I shouldn't
I was a rather dumb little girl.

the green breaker said...

but! temptation works both ways. :)

Fred said...

Very nice. Love the yin/yang aspect here. Also love the way you used items in the poem. Cars- purpose is travel. You then needed to go someplace-so seems a perfect fit. Interesting how the boy spoke his love, but you only mentioned your need to go. Very nicely played there.

Similar ideas play out in each of the next stanzas. Love the key image used in the second, and prayer is always strong.

Very nicely done. Thanks