It's so quiet
I can hear the corn grow.
The wind chimes hang lifeless on the porch.
The local dogs have abandoned the moon.
Even this old house
has left off its litany of complaints
and fallen silent.
I miss the sound of your breathing.
Since you've been gone,
I've fasted,
but for chocolate and Corona.
I've charted new constellations.
I've whispered poorly composed laments
and non-specific prayers.
But nothing I do
slows the leak of my color
trailing after you
through the hole of your leaving.
Submitted to Poetry Jam.
26 comments:
Such loneliness and sadness.
" I've fasted but for chocolate and Corona"...a hole...a void so deep...sad.
You convey these feelings so well. The emptiness..the hole.
Free hugs available anytime!
"But nothing I do
slows the leak of my color
trailing after you
through the hole of your leaving. "
Such beautiful writing! I so loved this. :-)
Great discipline creates the perfect mood in this compressed and saturated piece--some of the color must still be left because this one is deep indigo blue.
It's perfect. Every word counts. The ending is brilliant.
Oh, I know this loneliness. We all do, I suppose, and yet we suffer it alone.
Tight and emotional... you have captured that longing and despair very well.
Not the wind chimes! I like the wind chimes.
heartbreaking yet so beautifully written!
"I miss the sound of your breathing."
that really leaves a hole!
♥
I have been watching corn grow for months. Fields and fields of it all around this area.
Seeing someone leave and feeling the loss is horrendous. I hope this is not you in real life. Sad.
I've whispered poorly composed laments
and non-specific prayers.
This sound like me and I love the words. Let's get some corona and chocolate and commiserate.
very impressive and gorgeously composed.
Beautiful, yet sad. I love the first two lines!
But nothing I do
slows the leak of my color
trailing after you
through the hole of your leaving.
A beautiful and poignant image of loss. Overall a lovely poem!
David
"But nothing I do
slows the leak of my color
trailing after you
through the hole of your leaving. "
says it all.
I've fasted but for chocolate and Corona"... what a great line .. but heartfelt loss ~ warm hugs Lib
This is a good piece of writing. Opening with the images of silence is a strong choice. It empowers the line about missing the breathing. And you finish up with plain old good poetry. Really nice work, Mama Zen.
Thanks for your poem. Really nice and some very stark images/feelings/phrasings which I will like to return to and read from time to time.
Loss can be so overwhelming and all consuming ... put a lime in that Corona and buy the most expensive chocolates you can! Beautiful poem.
This reminds me of a place I've been in my life...very well done. So glad I've found you!
I can really feel the ache of loss with this one. Beautifully expressed!
wow.
so quiet, so intense.
This is good. Like a elegy, I always like to read poetry that sets a theme right away. Especially about loss. I
tagged an older write here. Since you had been over already today. Take your time.
Stunning!
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